The Four Seasons

It is autumn, and gradually it is getting cooler here in Los Angeles. Although southern California doesn't experience drastic changes in climate throughout the year, there still is notable difference with each passing season. I immensely enjoy the predictable weather here, but I do occasionally miss gazing at the magnificent array of colors the leaves turn as the temperatures decrease in places that see a complete cycle of seasons each year. All four seasons are individually unique and majestic in their full glory, and each trigger particular and nostalgic sentiments every time they come around. During a specific season, respective memories are made, certain events and holidays take place, and corresponding foods are traditionally consumed, giving the season it's distinctive charm. Throughout time, famous poets and authors have paid homage to the seasons in their writings; and numerous sonnets and songs have been written about them as well. Antonio Vivaldi is just one example of the many artists that have been inspired by the changes of seasons. This Baroque era virtuoso composed symphonies in their honor, naming them Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. The set of all four violin concertos together is appropriately entitled "The Four Seasons" and is his best known work. Many other talents have found a muse in the seasons too and have consequently birthed great works of art in various forms including, but not limited to: music, sculptures, paintings, cinema, dance, and of course, the written verse. Now, I will humbly attempt to create my own rendition of a tribute to these seasons of life. I have been blessed by all of them, and every year I look forward to each one in a different way. The next four days, I will describe what they mean to me, beginning with the current station of autumn and ending with summer.

So here commences my "Ode to the Four Seasons"...

"Absolute Nothingness!"

Thank God for Sundays, thank God for rest and relaxation, and thank God for "absolute nothingness!"

When life gets slow, I get bored out of my mind!! I much rather be busy with work, friends, projects, and personal goals than be at home staring blankly at the four walls of my room. With the recent slow economy and the annual TV show filming hiatus that usually takes place during summers, there were a couple of months with days when I just didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't wait to be busy and out and about. The time has come, and I have been working like crazy again!! YAY!! I LOVE IT! Now... with the added commitment of writing this daily blog, among other things, I find very few free moments to just space out for the pure pleasure of it. On days like this one, it's great to do absolutely nothing!

This "absolute nothingness" concept doesn't work unless you are extremely active and hardly have any down time. The great beauty of longing for these moments, is that it means there is a lot going on for you during the rest of the week, which probably indicates you have some sort of a life... be it occupational, relational, educational, social, or more than one or all of these!! When you are in extreme need of a breather, "absolute nothingness," in proper doses, is absolute bliss and most ardently welcomed!! If you have too much nothingness going on for you right now, just enjoy it!! It may seems to suck, but when things get fast-paced again, you will be eagerly anticipating your next sporadic "absolute nothingness" hour!! Aaaaahhh!... the cycles of life! Happy "nothing" time!! This blog entry is short because... I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my "nothing I absolutely HAVE to do" day. Tomorrow is a different story! ;)

Meeting my Dad

Today is my dad's birthday. Two years ago, I didn't even know him...

My mom and dad split before I was even born. For reasons that are too private and personal to mention, they didn't stay together. I didn't have a relationship with my dad while growing up. It was a complicated situation. It probably didn't have to be complicated, but we humans are really good at complicating things. It is what it is. When my dad began to show interest in getting to know me better, my mom freaked out and moved us to Florida. In retrospect, it would have been nice to have a dad in my life at a young age, but I understand why my mom did what she did. She was a single mom, and I was all she had. She was afraid that if my dad spent time with me, he would fall in love with me and want to take me away from her; or that maybe I would prefer to be with him and his new family. When we moved, she didn't inform him or tell him where we were going. My dad did contribute financial help to my mom on a regular basis, but the disconnect that arose from our move eventually caused him to stop his support. I never asked my mom about what happened between them... I simply didn't have the guts. I knew it was a touchy subject to her, and that it was painful for her to recall. I didn't want to see her cry or hurt her, or perhaps I was scared of what I might learn as well. Outside of this taboo issue, I was pretty occupied with school and adolescent things, like friends and boys and having fun. The "missing father" theme was not at all my central focus. Of course, moments arose when I acutely felt without him, but I would always looked at the bright side of things and remained content with what I had.

Transitioning into adulthood is a different story. As I got ready to take on the world and responsibility, the void of my father's absence became more noticeable. My sister Luli often encouraged me to search him out and insisted that I needed to have that part of my life resolved. I would brush her off like it didn't matter. Truthfully, deep down inside I was very scared of rejection. I still wasn't aware of the details of the past, and I figured that if he really wanted me in his life, he would have been there for me or would have tried to find me. Just the thought of calling him up randomly as his long lost daughter made me feel frightfully and defenselessly vulnerable. What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he was upset at me for some reason I didn't understand? What if he didn't even try to meet me half way or even a little bit at all? My fear got the better of me, and I continued going on the way it was without taking any initiative and without risking possible suffering. My dreams brought me to California. Strangely, the year before my father and I spoke, I would consistently have premonitions that he was trying to get in touch with me. Unknown numbers would call my phone, and I would find myself imagining it was him. As I grew and matured spiritually, I became less intimidated by the idea of taking the first step. Then it happened... I was working on the set of the movie "Iron Man," and a little girl I befriended innocently questioned me about my dad and how it felt to grow up without him. I sincerely responded by assuring her that I had a great childhood with the family members I had. After all, modern families are made up of so many compositions: grandparents, parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins... etc. That evening, as I drove home, I felt a peace about my dad I hadn't felt before. All of a sudden, I knew I had the courage to approach him. It was early December, and the Christmas was right around the corner. I decided that I would pursue the idea of meeting him in the new year, after the holiday craziness. No need for that! A week later my dad called me and left a message! From where I least expected it, my sister Monica had contacted him and given him my number. When I called him back it was surreal and emotional, to say the least, but I was ready. God had prepared the situation perfectly.

My dad and I met that very Christmas season. I didn't even have to ask him anything. When we got into his car, he immediately volunteered the story of him and my mom that I had never heard. I cried, I laughed, I forgave, and I healed much from that first encounter. I discovered facts about him, my mom, and myself that if not for our meeting, I would have most likely not realized. A lot of erroneous thinking was adjusted and is still in the process of being corrected. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to meet my father and my family on his side and now be in communication with them. I am blessed to know that he always wanted me and that he is very happy to finally have me in his life. And I am blessed to know that, even though I didn't have him in the majority of my life until now, I was brought up by the most wonderful mother and sisters in the world. Now, I truly hope that time gives me the chance to get closer to him and also to my brothers and sisters.

Dad, I am grateful for you. Though, I am just getting to know you, I can see many great traits in you that I am proud you possess. Thank you for being ready and willing for reconciliation, and thank you for your openness. I hope you enjoyed your birthday today, and that there are many more to come for us to share. May God bless you and our family :)

Thank God for ELECTROLYTES!!

This is yesterday's post...

On a sad night in October,

I was feeling a little too sober.

Sauvignon Blanc I bought,

"A clever idea!" I thought.

One glass of chilled white wine,

And I was still feeling quite fine.

"I'll drink a little more!"

So another glass I poured.

Soon overcome by giggles,

My walking turned to wiggles!

I drank in such a hurry,

That my vision became blurry.

My speech was slightly slurred,

And the words I spoke were absurd.

With my judgement now impaired,

I believed it was well that I fared;

And like a brilliant ass,

I neglected to use the glass!

Instead I grabbed the bottle

And chugged it at full throttle!

I drank it in its entirety

And lost all trace of sobriety.

I should have been more cautious,

Because suddenly I was nauseous.

..A mad dash to the pooper,

In a state of drunken stupor!

The stench of septic tank filled the air,

As into the lovely toilet bowl I stared.

The alcohol and my stomach began to fight!

My tummy grumbled with furious might!

Feelings of intense remorse...

The vomit expelled with drastic force!

Through trembles and spasms and torturous guilt,

The water my friend brought me I accidentally spilt.

It was all such a miserable mess!

What happened next I'm sure you can guess.

I passed out on the bathroom floor

And didn't come to until four in the morn.

I was barely able to drag myself to bed,

Swearing I'd never drink like that again.

Of course in the morning I'd obviously wake,

With a massive hangover and a throbbing headache.

Couldn't get up, still feeling so sick!

I needed a remedy that could work a trick.

In serious pursuit of restoration,

I searched for a cure to my dehydration.

Vitamin water and ginger tea

Would surely assist in rehabilitating me.

After a foolish, inebriated night..

Thank God above for ELECTROLYTES!

When Lack is Good

When is lack good? ...I'm not sure if it's ever "good," but it can do a great good. From the absence of something needed or desired, many qualities can be developed: appreciation, gratitude, growth, maturity, humility, compassion, perspective, drive, determination, wisdom, ambition, faith and patience. On the other hand, an individual can actually make whatever lack they've experienced be an excuse for what I call "fatal feelings": anger, greed, avarice, discontentment, jealousy, envy, dishonesty, foolishness, detachment, selfishness, moral degradation, contention, restlessness, and depression. I guess, like so many other things in life, it is a person's approach and attitude concerning the situation that make the difference in the emotions they give birth to. But I believe lack can be a very powerful and beneficial thing, a tool God can use to bring about endurance, miracles, and testimony.

In this country, most of us have it good regardless of our "lack" and have ample opportunity to progress and succeed. But being human as we are, we have all felt lack deep in our guts, sometimes as a gnawing hunger to be all we were meant to be, to finally attain what seems we have been endlessly yearning for, or to make a difference in our generation by offering something only we can give... to be able to leave our own unique and distinct mark on the world. Sometimes lack is perceived as a profound void that desperately longs to be filled. We all need love, romance, adventure, purpose, family, friendship, a sense of belonging, acknowledgment, financial freedom, peace... the list continues indefinitely. The priorities are different for everyone, and some people have very specific needs applicable to only themselves. Lack is a thing we all feel at some point and for various reasons, and it is only felt in areas that fall short of the vision we hold or aspire to, areas that are important and matter to us.

Growing up, I didn't lack in what I consider to be the most important things a child needs. I had the love of a tight-knit family, the care of an exceptional mother, the instilled belief in a Higher Power who protected me, health, shelter, education, friends, plenty of home-cooked meals (yum!), clothing, encouragement and affirmation. The lack of my biological father's presence is probably the most notable issue I had to face, and though it saddened me at times, I don't recall perpetually moping about it. Overall, I had it made!! The key factor, I think, is having sincere love in the home... with a dose of discipline! What I did see my mom consistently struggle with was financial lack. I'm sure many parents struggle with this, especially single mothers. I remember many times she'd be going from paycheck to paycheck. My mom would have given me the world if she could have!! What she doesn't realize is that she gave me something vastly better: a philosophy.

This is my philosophy in respect to money:

- Money can never define the intrinsic value of a person. In fact, I believe the force of its lack, if correctly harnessed, builds character and cultivates wisdom necessary to handle money more intelligently when it is present. Integrity is a much more valid factor in measuring a person's worth.

- Money comes and goes. Money cannot be relied upon. But to have the unconditional love and faithfulness of someone who will stick by you for better or worse.. aaahh! What a glorious possession!! A possession that cannot be bought. I would give up money for love any day... the words of a true romantic!

- Money is simply a form of exchange. There is no power in it except in the intention of its use. It can bless and build, and it can tear down and destroy.

- Money can always be made!! With creativity, confidence, dedication and determination, money is readily available. There is loads of it, why stress? Today you may be penniless, but tomorrow you could strike gold! That is the American Dream, isn't it? ...and I still believe in it.

- I will not die or whither away because of its lack. God is always faithful, and He has always provided for me. I have seen people waste too much precious time, myself included, being anxious as to its where-abouts, and what for? Being worried won't add a single day of life to me; it just might take some life away LOL!

- Money is a good thing to have, and I believe God wants us to have it in abundance... as long as we control it, and it doesn't consume us.

I don't have much of it right now.. and I don't know that I care to have ridiculous amounts of it... though I wouldn't mind ;) I do know that I want to eventually be debt free and have enough to live comfortably and have an excess of it to help my family and loved ones and those in need. In the meantime, I am determined to be happy along the way, and I will never let it become my source of joy or my identity. Lack can truly BITE and suck major! However, I am grateful for my lack. It has taught me to be strong and to be thankful. And it applies to any aspect of life, especially to the things that are much more significant than money! Think about it.. if you always had everything you wanted, without any effort or wait, how could you really appreciate those things to their deserving degree? Would you ever strive for anything higher than yourself? Could you ever sympathize or empathize with anyone when they are going through a hardship, if you have never gone through any lack of your own? Could there ever be miracles if everything was already perfect? And what testimony could you ever share with someone in order to lift their spirits, if you have never overcome any personal difficulties? Lack was never meant to be permanent, but I will let it do its work so that like the apostle Paul I can say, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:12-13

Everyday is a Ulanday!

The Ulandays are Krystle's family, mainly her mom and dad and brother. They are like an adopted family to me, and care for me as if I was their daughter. When I met the Ulandays, I quickly noticed how similar their Filipino culture was to my Hispanic upbringing. They were warm and inviting and hospitable. I remember when I brought my Pomeranian dog over to their house for the first time. They fell in love with her right away! From then on, I was always welcome at their home and encouraged to always bring Sasha (my dog) LOL! They are very happy, simple and content. They are easy-going and go with the flow sort of people. They are always down to try new things, visit new places, and make new friends.

After living in California for about a year and a half, a lot of things had transpired. What happened doesn't really matter as much as the fact that it all lead me to a place of deep discontentment and apathy. I had come here to work in the entertainment industry and was doing anything but that, I abhorred the neighborhood I lived in and coming home was quite unpleasant, and I had just gotten my heart broken by whom I considered my first real boyfriend. My finances were not great. I felt lonely; My mom had left just 7 months prior to reaching this point. When I went to spend the holidays with my family, I told them I wasn't sure whether I wanted to move back to New York City to be closer to them and pursue my career there. Of course, they offered me no assistance in decision making whatsoever. They were supportive but asserted that it was a personal and important decision I had to make on my own with prayer and conviction. When I returned to California, I moved in with the Ulandays. A month or so earlier I had asked them if I could live with them for a while until I saved enough money to move back east or to find an apartment in L.A. They gladly agreed, and I was relieved to start the new year fresh... without a crappy residence, without a boyfriend, and without a job because I quit the one I had in order to do what I really wanted. A couple weeks passed, and I decided I didn't come all the way across the country to punk out and not even give it a decent fight. God must of known I wouldn't give up, and He provided me with the wonderful company and the imperative help of the Ulandays. What was to be a very temporary stay with the Ulandays turned into almost 3 years now. We ended up getting along so well! We ate dinner together, took vacations together, shared stories and burdens, and prayed for each other. I guess I proved to be an indispensable tenant LOL! But they turned out to be angels in disguise.

The Ulandays, despite their financial hardships, didn't take any rent from me for a whole year and only accepted what I could give them. If it wasn't for that, I don't know if I could have worked my minimum wage job until I acquired the prerequisites for joining the SAG union. They fed me, they gave me shelter, they treated me like their own, and yes, they even clothed me. For special occasions, Mrs. Ulanday would buy everyone gifts, including for me. Her gifts were usually the same as the ones she'd get for Krys and usually cute outfits. When because of economic crisis they had to sell their house, they asked me if I'd like to lease a townhouse with them, and I accepted! They are some of the best roommates in the world, and they are family!

Mrs. Ulanday is like a mom to me. She encourages me and prays for me. She is strong and admirable. She is a prayer warrior, up at the crack of dawn to intercede for her family. She sticks by her loved ones for better or for worse. Her 28 year marriage to Mr. Ulanday is a beautiful testimony of love, longevity, forgiveness, and commitment. Mr. Ulanday is a super witty and generous man. He makes me laugh so much with his off-beat humor!! He is intelligent and a hard worker. He has his struggles but trusts in the Lord to help him overcome. Almon is my Kuya, which means big brother in Tagalog, the Filipino language. He is a year younger than me, but I still call him Kuya 'cause that's what I've always heard him being called and that's just the way it's gonna be ;). He really has become a brother to me. He is the life of the party, hip and urban, quick-witted, smart and intelligent. He and his girlfriend Janice are like more siblings... I have so many now!! They are all so giving and caring and gracious.

One thing I will never forget is how Krystle and her mom fasted with me for my mother's health for three days. Three whole days without eating!! They did that for me! What great love and compassion! They didn't have to do anything for me! For any cynics out there, there really are beautiful, unselfish, and incredibly benevolent people still in the world!! The Ulandays are some of those amazing people, and I am so blessed the God placed them in my path. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Ulanday and Kuya for being my family away from my family. I hope someday I will be able to repay even a portion of the goodness you've shown me. I love you guys!! XOXO

Krystle's Grace

I met Krystle at my first job in California. We worked at Macy's; I was a signer, and she was a merchandiser. We usually had to be there by at least 6 in the morning, if not earlier, to prep the sales floor. Since our job didn't involve much customer service, all of us early birds got a chance to work closely and share many long conversations. Krystle and I were two of the few young ones there. Most all the other employees opening the store were much older. Krystle and I clicked almost immediately. Soon we became inseparable, always getting in trouble for chatting too much. The first time we decided to hang out outside of work, I went with Krystle to the Grove. I had never been there before, and I knew very little of popular places in Hollywood. We talked and found we had a lot in common, especially our upbringing and faith. From then on, we started hanging out more often. We even decided to quit Macy's at the same time because we knew we'd be too bored working there without each other.

Krystle was the first friend I made in L.A. and has become one of my best friends, comparable to a sister. After my mom moved back east to live with my sisters, Krystle and I really became close. It was the first time I was absolutely on my own as an adult, and it was an extremely emotional transition. My mom and I had always been together, and there were many difficult moments between us before she left. My mom adores Krystle, so it was comforting for her to know I had someone out here to count on. And she wasn't wrong. Whenever I needed help or anything else, Krystle would come running. I remember the night my, at the time, boyfriend and I broke up. I called Krystle around 10 or 11 that night, and she came to meet me up at a grocery store parking lot where I cried my broken heart out to her. She's been there for me through my ups and downs, my heartbreaks, through my mother's illness, and even through my occasionally unbearable mood swings.

Krystle is a beautiful Filipina girl. She is sweet and caring. She has a cheerful nature and loves to laugh. She cracks me up with her cartoon faces. I am the biggest goofball, and she is too... so we understand and enjoy each other's humor. She has a big heart and reaches out to those in need. She is forgiving and never holds grudges toward anyone, no matter how badly she is wronged. She is teachable and humble, quick to apologize and ready to listen to advice. She doesn't know it, but she is wise beyond her years. Even though I am like the big sister, scolding and overprotecting her, many times I find myself learning from her and correcting my own behaviors. One time, this dude called me "the mother hen friend" LOL! LOL!! I will never forget that! I guess in a way I am, because she is much like me. She is sensitive, and I hate to see her disappointed expression when something or someone has let her down. Geez! I feel like it's practice for when I really have kids! Krystle is still figuring things out and searching for answers to many life questions. Sometimes I look at her and see myself a few years ago, confused and at moments discouraged, but determined to pull through. She aspires to greatness and has big dreams. She has the wings to fly so high, but she is still learning to use them. Soon, despite her doubts, she will be soaring way above her struggles!! She is talented and bright, bold and daring in spite of her fears. She is sophisticated and graceful. She is keenly fashion forward and very stylish. My taste in wardrobe has definitely been influenced for the better by observing her chic choices in her apparel. She is studying merchandise marketing at a reputable fashion school, and I know she is going to do amazing!!

Krystle, you are my sidekick!! We have been through a lot together, and I know there is so much more in store... meeting our future husbands, having children, pursuing our careers, continuing to grow spiritually, menopause!! LOL.. well let's not get too ahead of ourselves! I know God has an awesome plan for your life, and I believe you have the ability and capacity to fulfill your God-given destiny. Don't lose heart, life can be an adventure, and it's supposed to be FUN!!! But in the end, a lot of life is what we make it. I am always here for you. Thanks for everything.

Love you bunches :)

Exercise is BLISS!!

I absolutely love working out!! Exercise is one of humanity's greatest discoveries. It is an acquired discipline that soon becomes a favorite pastime. Increasing energy and endorphin levels, exercise is like an all-natural drug with the advantages of gained physical fitness and improvement in strength, endurance, and overall health.

When I was in jr. high and high school, physical education was not my forte. In fact, P.E. was definitely one of my least favorite subjects. In my pre-adolescent years and throughout puberty, I was a skinny, scrawny being who was also among the taller ones of my classmates. I even had a nickname my friends in jr. high gave me... "Olive Oil"... you know, "Popeye the Sailor Man's" girlfriend, because I was tall and skinny and frequently wore my hair up in a bun. LOL!! It was a pet name and a term of endearment, but certainly didn't allude to any attributes of physical beauty. While many girls my age were developing full bodies, I was barely sporting a training bra. As a child, I had suffered asthma, and although it completely disappeared when I moved to Florida, because of it, I never had strengthened my heart with any type of sustained cardiovascular activity. On top of all this, I was still an awkward teenager dealing with many insecurities. Introverted and shy, whenever I had to perform physically in front of my peers, I would shrink on the inside feeling very inadequate and incompetent. Oh sure, around friends I was familiar with, it was all gravy; I loved playing tackle and touch football with my block friends, and dance was a inherent musical part of me, a lot more rhythmic and mathematical. But athletics at school, and especially in front of "popular" crowds, was total torture. HA! Looking back it all seems so silly, and if it was me now, I would have probably been a jock!! But as it goes, it wouldn't be until I was 20 that I would start learning to deeply appreciate and enjoy exercising.

After spending two years bingeing on nachos and popcorn at my sister's house, I found myself in Orlando, out of shape and not cute. I was beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin and was becoming more aware and caring of what I looked like. I gradually started to work out more often, and I even joined a gym for the first time. Then as I left Orlando in pursuit of a career in the entertainment industry, being fit became a requirement beyond just a preference. Even still, it wasn't until living in Los Angeles where the weather is nearly perfect all year, encouraging plenty of outdoor sports and activities, that I really attempted to reach an ultimate level of fitness. I began jogging 3 years ago. I remember I couldn't make it to the end of the block without being pitifully out of breath. I thought, "How in the world do people do this?!" I remember the first time I ran an entire mile, and I felt so victoriously triumphant!! Then, I ran two, then three, then four miles!! WOW! To me, it was a serious accomplishment! Trying to run the "under 12 minute" mile in school sucked!! Now, it was a thrill! I decided to train with my best friend to participate the L.A. marathon in 2008. Although my training was interrupted, I didn't want to back out, so we did it anyway. It was brutal!! We walked/jogged the whole thing. Seniors were passing us LOL! It was hysterical but inspiring beyond measure. Lord willing, I will be able to stay that active and determined as I age! We completed the marathon in about 7 hours and a half. Every inch of me was sore that week; I could barely walk. I realized how crucial proper training is. I plan to run it again when I can train properly, and my goal is to make it under 5 hours. I can only be proud I finished it at all, because it was a massive bitch!! LOL!!

Now, I continue my weekly workout routine which has recently incorporated weight training and slightly diminished in the area of cardio. I have become a fanatic of interval training including sprints and jumprope. Eventually, I'd also like to further explore plyometrics, spinning, kick-boxing and other types of intense training. During the summer, it was too hot to run outside, but now that it is cooler, I can't wait to jog again. Exercise is one of those things that doesn't come naturally; however, once the habit is formed, it becomes an essential lifestyle. It is well worth the effort to feel good about yourself... that you are striving to be the best YOU can be, not better than or comparing yourself to anyone else. Anybody will feel more confident when they know they are making progress, even if it is not drastic or overnight. I know personally, when I slack off and allow longer periods of time to go without exercising, I become lethargic and unmotivated. Exercise infuses energy and stamina as well as increased positivity to me. I feel vigorous and alive! Besides the many health benefits of working out, it's a great way to let off steam and release tension; and who doesn't want to look and feel better, lovelier, tighter and less flabby?! It is also a great way to practice self discipline and self control; it is important to take loving care of your body, as well as all its vital functions. I am so thankful that I have the ability to do it... the legs to carry me and the arms to lift... small things we take for granted, but others that don't, wish they had.

Thank you God for exercise and the ability to do it!! Peace out... I'm off to the gym ;)

Happy workout everybody!!

Bon Appetit!!

Today I'm in a thankful mood,
As I begin to write,
About all sorts of tasty food
That please my appetite.
So many choices for each day's
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner...
Succulent platters and gourmet trays,
Any option is a winner!!
In the morning, there's so much to eat,
From waffles to pancakes or toast.
Oatmeal and fruit are a healthy treat,
But I like omelettes the most!
Smothered with cheese, my omelette is filled
With onions, green peppers and tomatoes.
The Tabasco sauce is purposely spilled
Over the side of country potatoes.
At noon, if I'm in a bit of a hurry
A pepperoni pizza slice...
But if not, I could stop for some Indian curry,
An array of flavor and spice.
Tacos and burritos are always good;
Enchiladas are freakin' amazing!
Take myself out to the Mexican hood
Where there's so much "comida" for grazing!!
An Angus bacon cheeseburger with fries,
And a salad with vinaigrette dressing,
Followed by apple and pumpkin pies
Topped with ice cream, Oh what a blessing!
Evening has come, now it's finally time
For some serious, sophisticated tasting!
Grab your fork and your knife, the smell is sublime,
Tender meat, the chef has been basting!
Garlic butter sauce drowns your yummy grilled fish
The juicy, green asparagus has been steamed.
It's the most deliciously palatable dish,
Better than you could of ever dreamed!
The dessert is caramel drizzled soufflé,
If you weren't before, now you're flustered..
Strawberries dipped in chocolate, HURRAY!!
To accompany the vanilla cream custard!
Take a couple of tums before going bed
To fight that acid indigestion.
We promise ourselves we won't do it again,
But tomorrow there will be no objection ;)

Bon Appetit!!

Wonderful WOW Weekends!!!

Weekends are so very sweet,
An every 5 day, two day treat,
Monday through Friday it's toil and spin,
Saturday and Sunday is a chance to sleep in!
During the week, so early we wake,
Weekends provide a much needed break!
Whether to work, or school, or running errands you go,
On the weekends, take it easy, take it nice and slow.
Go to a bar or chill at the club,
If that's not your thing, relax in the tub.
Draw yourself a hot bubble bath,
Let go of the week's frustrations and wrath.
Weekends should always be delightful!
Screw the bosses who tend to be spiteful!
Pour yourself a glass of champagne...
If you don't recoup, you may go insane!
Open a bottle of Italian wine,
Raise a toast, everything will be fine.
Find a reason to celebrate,
Or a special someone to appreciate.
Have a friendly conversation, laugh at a joke,
When was the last time to that loved one you spoke?
Carpe diem! Seize the day!!
It's the weekend, let's get away!!
Get outa town, if just for the night,
Walk on the beach, under moonlight.
Steal a kiss, wish on a star,
Aren't you glad you made it this far?
Follow the music and hit the floor!!
Move and groove, dance till you're sore!
You could opt for quiet evening instead,
Read a great book, cozy in bed.
The possibilities are endless, anything goes!
Make your weekend exciting, stay on your toes!
If your weekend sucked, do not fret...
There are many more weekends in your future yet!
On Sunday, give God above some attention,
Give Him your cares, your worries, and tension.
The week that's coming, He will help you get through.
He never, ever forgets about you.
When the week gets tough, soon weekend will come,
And once again... IT'S TIME TO HAVE FUN!!

Thank You Lord for WEEKENDS!!

"I Love Ya.. Tomorrow! You're Only A Day Away!!"

In response to what I've been writing about lately, my sister Monica dedicated the song "Tomorrow" from the musical "Annie" to me on her facebook this morning. Thank God for our 'tomorrows'!! I grew up watching the made for TV movies "Anne of Green Gables" and "Anne of Avonlea," and one of my favorite lines from those movies is: "Tomorrow is always fresh... with no mistakes in it." On that note, I met a girl on set this week who had had a kid when she was 18, and she had just turned 30. She seemed content and claimed how happy she was to finally be in her 30's. She said she had made so many mistakes in her twenties and was certain her thirties would be smooth-sailing due to all her time-acquired wisdom. On the other hand, in the same conversation participated a newly engaged 28 year old miss, and she complained that, although she wants to marry her man, she feels that she didn't live her twenties as wildly as she would have liked. As we argued our different opinions, it was interesting to see two very different perspectives, each person missing what the other apparently had experienced. Later that day, I also spoke with a lovely lady in her fifties. She opened up to me about how years ago she had lost a pregnant sister to a sudden heart attack who was barely in her early twenties. She also lost a son in the same manner. As she continued to tell me her sad story, I observed how so many stories are different, how each person has their own struggles and discontentments, how some obviously have it so much better than others without realizing it, and how some are in the middle of a storm as others are witnessing the sun rise once again in their lives. We all have different walks, to each different cards have been dealt, or perhaps each has played a large role in choosing their own fates; but we all have one thing in common... we all have Tomorrow.

Beautiful Tomorrow... filled with possibility and hope, containing miraculous serendipities and pleasant surprises. Tomorrow I could meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with! Tomorrow I could win the lottery! Tomorrow I could encounter an incredible business opportunity! Tomorrow, another selfish blindfold could fall from my eyes causing me to see truth and further setting me free to live more uninhibitedly. Tomorrow my mother's health could be completely restored. Tomorrow something grand could happen that could make things as they should be, as they were meant to be. So as I do my best to live in the fullness of today with passion and expectancy... for any of these things could still happen this very day... but if they don't yet... I earnestly look forward to what tomorrow can bring :) ...and you should as well ;)

Robert H. Goddard is credited with stating:

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."

Keep dreaming dreamers! If you keep believing, doing, and forgiving... your dream IS tomorrow's reality!!!

And now, with "Annie," I confidently affirm....

"The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar

That tomorrow

There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about

Tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs,

And the sorrow

'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck with a day

That's gray,

And lonely,

I just stick out my chin

And Grin,

And Say,

Oh!

The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on

'Til tomorrow

Come what may

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

I love ya Tomorrow!

You're always

A day

Away!"

...After the rain ...Comes the sun.

This entry will be short. I worked today as a background waitress and was on my feet for 12 hours. Just got home, and I am exhausted! Don't know if I will do this topic justice in my tired state, but I will attempt to go straight to the point. The subject: ...after the rain ...comes the sun.

Yesterday, I wrote about rain and its emotional significance. What happens when the storms finally pass? ..because, thank God, sooner or later they do pass. The sun eventually comes out again and shines its brilliance upon a cleansed and refreshed, and maybe even ransacked, earth. For me, sunny weather is always pleasant and favorable. I gives me energy and motivation. On a cloudy day, all I want to do is relax and vegetate, or mope; but when it's bright and sunshiny, I prefer to go out and DO and BE!!! Sun rays are known to increase endorphin levels stimulating happiness and positivity. After rain, the sun shedding its warm light upon the cold and soaked soil is a symbol of healing, and a promise of renewed joy.

The solar sun did come out today as it always does... and I believe the "sun of happiness and goodness" is chasing away the dark clouds of disillusion and lack that have been raining on me for what I've decided has been long enough.

Restorative Rain

Rain is a blessing, especially in areas of drought. Southern California, despite its overcrowded suburban and metropolitan structures and its numerous inhabitants, is desert. Its arid climate makes for months and months of extreme temperatures, without a single drop of precipitation falling from the sky. Even clouds are sparse, and the occasional ones that seem promising of showers often "constipatedly" roll on by without ever excreting their inner turmoil; and when it appears they will finally dump their entrails in anticipated downpour, instead they taunt the earth with an aggravating light, misty drizzle. If there is an occurrence that can truly be considered rain, the way the rest of the country knows it, it wreaks havoc. It causes a plethora of traffic accidents, flooding, and, in severe cases, mudslides that can damage and destroy homes and endanger people's lives. Yep, socal is better off basking in the sun for the majority of the year.

Growing up in Ft. Lauderdale, the lack of moisture here was a novelty to me when I first arrived. Southern Florida's annual rainfall is almost 5 times southern California's, and the storms there are torrential! Not that it wasn't easy to adjust to LA's gorgeous weather; I am more of a sunny person any day and greatly prefer it to an overcast atmosphere. In Florida, the thunderstorms come and go in a matter of hours, and almost immediately the sun is up and shining brightly again. It is a spectacular phenomenon to see the sheet of violent rain approaching from a distance until it reaches and suddenly engulfs you. I remember I would stand outside my house and watch the curtain of water inch closer and closer toward me until it was within a yard from my body, and I'd still be dry until the moment it hit!! Lightning would frequently strike and thunder would viciously roar as the heavens pompously flaunted its terrible yet awesome powers! :D Now THAT'S Rain!! Then.... Calm... and maybe a rainbow or two stretching across the horizon.

Besides the obvious organic benefits of rain upon nature, today I'm appreciating its spiritual benefits on the human heart. Throughout history, hardships and trials have been metaphorically compared to meteorological storms. People have poetically stated that when it rains, the celestial bodies are crying over a tragedy. I have also heard songs in which the lyrics melodramatically clamor that the raindrops will hide the tears streaming from a broken-hearted lover's eyes. Still, others describe rain as a cleansing from grime and impurities... a washing away of evils... the evils of pain and sorrow and strife. Perhaps it serves as a comforting reflection of one's inner emotional state, hopefully as transitional and passing as a storm; or going even further, it is a demonstration of empathy from the surrounding environment proving that one's suffering has not gone unnoticed, and someone or something out there sympathizes with you.

I have lived in Cali about 4 years, and it wasn't until recently that I have been intensely longing for rain to ease my spirit. Rain is calming and soothing; it is therapeutic. Sleeping in a thunderstorm is by far one of the best and most relaxing forms of slumber. It's romantic too I'm sure, for those with significant others, as well as those yearning to find their soulmate. At the beginning of this blog, I mentioned the dreams of rain clouds and rainbows sprouting in the midst of my confusion. These past couple of days, I have delighted myself in the much needed precipitation. It is as if finally the universe has decided to cooperate with my justified tantrum. Seldomly, but now more than ever, I simply desire to be acknowledged by the indomitable forces of nature in order to feel acquiesced by a Higher Power.. a Higher Power that hopefully hasn't forgotten me and can make things right. Thank you God for rain!! What a wonderfully creative outlet and restorative release... sigh...

My abuelita

My abuelita (grandma) is awesome! When my mom was pregnant with me, she came from Bolivia for my birth and helped my mom out. Since then, she has come to this country to visit us only a handful of times. She never wanted to live here, even though her daughters and grand daughters have always encouraged her to. She is set in her ways, I guess, and rightfully so. She has only ever lived in Bolivia and has her home and all her extended family and friends there. My sisters know her a lot better than I, especially because they spent a portion of their childhood with her before coming to the States. But what I do know of her is plenty enough to realize what a rich heritage I have; not because of her social status or any other privilege she may or may not have had, but because of her strength, dignity, and character. Good thing too, because my grandfather passed away before I was born, and I never knew my grandparents on my dad's side. In a way, she makes up for this because she is so great!!

My abuelita did not have the best childhood. She suffered abuse and lack. But you wouldn't even know or imagine it by talking to her. She is full of joy and peace and forgiveness. Mind you, living in a 3rd world country, the abuse I speak of is none like you could fathom; it is truly heart-wrenching. However, my abuelita was still able to rise above and create a legacy of love and faith to leave behind whenever our Father God decides to take her home. At 90 years of age, she still stands upright with impeccable posture and impressive stamina. She walks energetically confident with an "I can do it myself" determination. She has a cheerful disposition and a hearty contagious laughter. She is a prayer warrior, my favorite of her traits and the one I wish to take after. She wakes up early in the morning to read her Bible and pray for her loved ones. She has a victorious attitude and never a victim's mentality. She is full of life and vitality, more than some people half her age. And she hopes to the end.

When she would visit me as a child, we used to play a finger pinching game. My abuelita has much physical strength. She would put up a slightly clenched hand and lift up her thumb under which I would reluctantly, but with masochistic defiance, place my finger. Then she would trap it with her thumb and squeeze it against her index finger, gradually harder and harder, until I squealed in surrendering pain. It was kind of a battle of wills and challenging to see how far I could resist. I remember smiling and denying that it hurt, even though I was squirming inside until I just couldn't take it anymore! LOL! Another fun memory is playing "Loba" with her, which is a Bolivian version of the card game Rummy. She takes her Loba very seriously, and if you take too long on your turn or don't pay attention, she gets extremely irritated. It's cute; she's so competitive about it. She also is very proper... most of the time, ha! But every now and then, she'll let one rip and begin to laugh and carry on hysterically about it!!

My abuelita is brave. People get mugged all the time in Bolivia. She has herself many times. I assume people are used to it, but I'm a wimp about stuff like that. She walks everyday regardless. She is so healthy and alert. I hope to be that way too as I grow older. She has lived a full life, and I believe she has made it meaningful. Distance separates us, but she has given me and my sisters her spirit and her example. She is a devoted human being... devoted to things of substance and of eternal value. Even through temporary trials, she remains anchored in the promise of her salvation; and she has mastered the art of enjoying the goodness of daily life as well.

Te quiero mucho Abuelita. Te admiro. Eres un lindo ejemplo de fe y amor y de esperanza. Cuando me siento sola o desalientada, pienso en todas las veces que oras por mi y me siento protegida. Gracias. Besos y muchas bendiciones.

Doctor Catherine :)

I met Catherine when I lived in Orlando in 2000. We worked together as tellers at First Union Bank, which later became Wachovia. I remember the first day I worked there, she was so nice and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her at Subway. I guess I made an impression on her when I asked the lady preparing my food to squeeze about half the bottle of mayonnaise onto my sub. Apparently, mayo has a lot of calories in it.. a fact I wasn't aware of, nor much cared about. Then Cat told me I was crazy and a bitch for still being so skinny after consuming such large amounts of the fattening white stuff I drenched everything in. LOL! A great friendship begun, and soon I would learn that Cat loves BBQ sauce the way I do mayo... Or perhaps even more (she can drink it)!

Catherine is a very pretty Egyptian girl that kinda reminds me of my sister Luli. She has fair, porcelain, perfect skin and dark brown, curly hair. It's weird, but it wasn't at the bank where we really were able to become closer friends. It wasn't till months after we both quit that, because we kept in touch, we ended up hanging out. We lived pretty close to each other, and when I met her mom I felt very welcome at her house and with her family. Their culture is very similar to my Hispanic upbringing, and it was easy to click. As we became good friends, she started to focus on her future career as an optometrist and began working at Lenscrafters to gain experience in that field. Meanwhile, I began studying audio engineering at a local, reputable trade school. During that period, we would often spend time at each other's homes and keep one another informed of all our drama with school, work, friends, and boys. We would ask each other for advice and give it freely. We would encourage each other to be motivated, and occasionally argue, as great friends do, when we got on each other's nerves. Eventually, I finished school and moved up north on my way to New York. Catherine soon moved to Ft. Lauderdale to study optometry. Throughout the years, we have continued to keep in touch, some years more than others, but always as if we had just seen each other yesterday.

Catherine is whom I consider to be my first real best friend. One time when I was sick, she surprised me by showing up, without notice, at my house with a stuffed animal and a balloon that said "Feel Better!" or something of that nature. No one had ever done that for me. I felt really touched and special, and I knew Catherine was a sincere and lifelong friend. Other than just her immense sensitivity and thoughtfulness, Cat's personality and mine get along fabulously. She is very down to earth, kind, open-minded, and easy going. She is sarcastic to the core, but it makes me laugh hysterically! She makes fun of everything, but it's hardly ever offensive. I've always been rather clueless, or maybe just naive, and once I didn't notice a nose hair that was protruding out of my nostril. LOL! Of course, Cat has no problem speaking her mind with people she's comfortable with. Through ridiculing laughter, she firmly commanded me, "Pluck that sh#% out!" To which I replied, "No, it's gonna hurt!!" It carried on much longer than that, but culminated with her taking a wad of hair from her brush and sticking it up her nose. As the ball of hairs dangled from her nostril, she turned to me and exclaimed, "This is what you look like! Do you wanna look like this?!" I almost peed, it was so funny; it's one of my favorite memories of her and we recall it often. Since then, my nose hairs are always neatly trimmed and tucked away! Thanks Cat!

Time goes by so unbelievably fast, and Catherine is now a profession optometrist practicing in New York City. After 8 long years of studying, stress, and brain-frying exams, she is finally beginning to see the fruit of her diligence and dedication.

Catherine, I am so proud of you Doctor, and all your hard work!! You have been a true friend to me and are one of my BESTEST friends in the world. I miss you and love you! I know you are going to do exceedingly well in New York and where ever else life or your job may take you. I'm glad and blessed to know you, and I am always here for you. Mwah!!

DEDICATION or DEFECATION! Make your choice.

Ever have days where you feel like shit? ...and all your ideas are shitty too? I think women may experience this more often then men, or perhaps the feeling is simply more pronounced, especially around a certain time of the month. Today, I woke up thinking, "What the hell am I thankful for today??" Not that I can't name a thousand things I am remotely happy about in one way or another, but that lacks depth and sincerity, and is not the point of this project. I took myself to the routine Sunday church service in hopes of encountering some sort of revelation. Nope!! I was dastardly mistaken to think I would find it in this morning's sermon which turned out to be completely inapplicable to me. The guest pastor proceeded to speak about relationships, most prominently marriage and parenting. Not very relatable subject matter to me at this point. In fact, all it served to do was remind me of how single I currently am. Can I get a witness? So as I left church, I argued with God in my head pleading, "Lord, you gotta help me out here!! I'm trying." Of course, the longing to just dump this whole idea became shattered by the fore-sensing of disappointment in myself that would undoubtedly set in at the act of not following through. So I resolvedly shook my head in defiance of my mediocre emotional state, and proclaimed to the universe, "There will be no flaking out!! I am dedicated to this commitment!!!" ...and just like that, BINGO!... DEDICATION.

Dedication. What is commitment without dedication? ..empty words or promises? ..or maybe wishful thinking of having every circumstance, person, or feeling involved be perfectly conducive to the established goal? Like that's really going to happen! So then... dedication is the difference between an aimless dreamer and a dreamer who witnesses their dream become reality. It is the bridge between resolution and result, the energy force that turns fiction into non-fiction. I like non-fiction; it is drastically under-rated. We live in a fantastical world where gratification is instantaneous, and if it is not for any reason, it isn't worth the effort. Then we wonder why accurate statistics inform us that only 10% of the world's population controls over 90% of the world's assets. I have observed and believe that this ratio applies across the field to every other aspect of life: peaceful individuals, happy marriages, effective people, fulfilled human beings, and the number of those who actually follow through. Since I came across that fact, and I have read it from multiple sources, I have confidently declared: "I am 10% baby!" Well, now I realize the amount of perseverance that is required to truly be "dedicated" to an end, and it doesn't come naturally. Instead, it comes willfully and regardless of ease of performance. Some days I will be excited to stay the course, and other days, I will want to throw myself off a bridge! LOL!

When I started this blog, I was hopeful as to it's outcome, and I wanted to set parameters that were realistic yet challenging. It is challenging to say the least! When I have to, I write it at work on my phone. No matter what the hour, when I arrive home I spellcheck it and post it; and everyday, I try my utmost to infuse it with the deepest sincerity and gratitude I possess. I will not deny that at moments when I am tired, feel burnt out, or lack inspiration, I wonder, "Whose bright idea was this?" and, "What did I get myself into?" But I honestly believe I will be a better person for it and will develop a level of discipline I have not known and need. As with any worthwhile commitment, the process and completion of it may not always be comfortable, but the rewards are usually amazing and go beyond the expected benefits.

I read somewhere, "DON'T GROW A WISHBONE WHERE YOUR BACKBONE SHOULD BE." It has become one of my favorite quotes. You can't wish to do something great; You have to DO something great that you've wished. Like in the physical world, the road to majestic vistas are rugged and filled with obstacles on a steep incline, but the acquired eagle's eye view is breathtaking and unlike any other. So are the ways to grand accomplishments and worthy causes. For better or for worse, I will stick it out; if for anything at all but to be a woman of my word whenever possible.

Finally, my closing thought: DEDICATION or DEFECATION! Make your choice. If you aren't dedicated to making any area of your life the best it could be.. life, without question, has a way of chewing you up and defecating you out in that particular area. Conclusion: Even if I feel like poop, I still rather do what is required of me to make it right, than to let life poop me out! ;)

My Little Buggy :)

After I graduated high school, I had to give away my third dog because I had just moved to my sister's house. She had recently had my nephew Jesse, and my dog was really hyper and required a lot of attention. I had also just started working, and my dog was beginning to be neglected. Giving him away was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. My dog looked at me as if to say, "Where are you going? Are you upset at me?" I cried so much. He was a beautiful Sheltie and only a year old. He got adopted the very next day by a nice family with children. That was my greatest comfort. A year later, I was feeling lonely without a pet; I was used to having one. At that point, my mom and I were living in Monica's basement so we had our own space and more privacy. We decided we needed the smallest dog possible, and after a little research, we opted for a Pomeranian.

I found Sasha's breeder in the newspaper. She was only three weeks old when we went to the farm to pick her out of the litter. When I held her up in my arms, she started licking my finger, and I knew she was mine. I had to wait another 5 weeks to pick her up. It felt like forever, and I was keeping it a secret from my sister to surprise her. Finally, the day I brought her home and placed the extremely small, one-pound fur-ball in the middle of the kitchen floor, and my sister squealed in absolute glee, I knew everyone would be more than happy to have her there.

When Sasha was a puppy she was mischievous. She would drag our socks and underwear, that were twice as big as her, under the dining room table. When I would let her outside in the backyard to pee, she would crawl underneath the fence and run to the end of the cul-de-sac in search of the children's voices she heard as they played. We would put the child security fence up to block the staircase, and the tiny thing would somehow manage to climb over it and proceed upstairs to find us. She was and still is spoiled by everyone!! Anyone who would see her would beg to hold her and would ask where I bought her. She eventually became convinced that she is not a dog at all, but a human like us. LOL!

She is well trained though. When I live in Orlando on the third floor of our then apartment complex, she would go down the long two flights of stairs all by herself to go potty. When she needs to go bad, she sits by the door with her butt completely up against it waiting to be let out. When she is told to stay, even if she barks nonstop in protest, she will not move until she is given permission. She is super smart, and when she has done something wrong, she hides, LOL!

She is very expressive and loving. She rubs up and down my body like a cat does when she wants to be caressed. She gets jealous and starts whimpering when I, or anyone she is particularly fond of, give others excessive attention. And when I am down, she seems to notice, and comes and sits on me or by me gazing into my eyes in attempt to comfort me. She is my hairy baby, an additional member of the family, and a sweet canine companion. Everyone that knows her has a fun memory about her; and my nephews and niece have plenty of stories of cuddling her, playing with her, harassing her, and messing with her for hours. She is the dog that has been with me the longest of the four I have owned, and she has traveled everywhere with me. From Virginia to Florida to Pennsylvania to New York and now to California, she is truly a blessing God has given me and has allowed me to share with so many people and places. My little buggy (as I call her) has even done background work with me on set. She is my doll, and has given me and many others much joy and happiness.

I love you little bonita, and I hope you are with me for many more years.

P.S. It is proven that people with pets are happier, healthier, and kinder than those without. If you don't already have one, go get one and increase the quality of your life! :)

My Super Car!

I still have many people I'd like to write about, but to switch it up a little, I'm going to start writing about the things I am grateful for in no particular order. I am thankful for my automobile. Today, I was at work driving around in circles, and I couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed about the condition of my car. I haven't washed it in a couple of months, and here in Socal, it barely ever rains. In other words, there's about an inch of dust and grime on it. Ok, maybe not an inch, but you get the idea. Plus, it's slightly beat up with dents and scratches here and there. Understandably so!! My car is a 1995 Toyota with 206,555 miles on it's odometer at this moment. My mom bought it in 2001, and it had about 100,000 miles already. Since then, we have driven it everywhere, from Florida to Virginia and Pennsylvania and back, from Pennsylvania to New York City back and forth several times, and ultimately here to California. It has taken me so many places, I often call her, my car, Sandals. The Biblical Israelites wandered for years in the desert, and by Divine Providence, their garments and sandals never were outgrown or worn out. By the Grace of God, my car still runs smoothly here in the desert of Socal, and that has been without the need of any major repairs, besides a few fixed leaks.

My mom would always swear by Toyotas, and I guess she was right!! In LA, everything and place is so spread apart that it is essential to have dependable transportation to work and function efficiently in local society. My car is humble and not by any means a luxury vehicle, but it has been so faithful. Sometimes, when I'm walking toward it at midnight, tired from a 12 hour day's work, the tears begin to well up as look upon it in gratitude and relief as I head out on my usual half hour commute home. I live on the outskirts of the central hub of LA and Hollywood. Without my car, I don't think I would have been able to work the way I have, nor do I know how I could have made it this far. I continue to pray that my car lasts me as long as miraculously possible, or at least until I can buy a new one. For now, I am so happy and fortunate to drive my energizer bunny auto to my daily destinations with independence and reliability!

Thank you Lord and thanks Sandals ;)

My Nanny

When I was growing up, my mom was a single parent and she worked very late. She usually left work by six, but with the long commute, she wouldn't arrive home until six or seven in the evening. Of course, she didn't like me be at home alone after school, and she wasn't very trusting of random babysitters, so she brought a nanny from Bolivia to come live with us. My nanny would look after me, make sure I ate well, and would do some house chores. This is a very common practice in Hispanic culture, and the nanny almost always becomes very dear and part of the family. It was no different for us.

My nana Maruja came to live with us when I was just 8 years old. I had a couple of other nannies before, but they didn't work out. We didn't expect Maruja to be as wonderful as she turned out to be. She was so caring and loving with me, very cooperative with my mother's instructions, and easy to get along with. She gained my mom's trust and my affection in no time. When we moved to Florida, she came with us. At that time, my mom began working for my brother-in-law during tax season and would leave me and my nana for 3 months out of the year to go to her yearly job in Virginia. Maruja was like my second mother. She was my confidant; because my mom was extremely overprotective of me, it was easier to talk to my nana about boys I had crushes on and things of that nature. She also covered up for me when I wasn't being the most obedient child, and she almost never told on me.

When Maruja first arrived in this country, she didn't speak a word of English. This really helped me to master speaking Spanish. We became and are still very close, even until this day. She has so many amazing attributes. She is humble and serving. She is faithful and loyal; she stayed with us through the worst financial times, even when there were better job offers for her. She was my mother's closest friend and cried with her and prayed with her through our hardships. She would wake up everyday at the break of dawn to read her Bible and pray upon her knees. She still prays for me. She cooked the most delicious meals. She had a spirit of excellence; and everything she did, she would do wholeheartedly the best she possibly could.

When I turned 18 and had graduated from high school, I was obviously way passed the need for a babysitter, but she was not that any longer... She was family. However, when I decided to move north to my sister's house, she decided to stay in Florida. I took it kind of personal and felt a bit rejected by her for not staying with the us, but I was still young, scared, and selfish. Time would teach me that it was her right to have a life and family of her own, and I wouldn't want anything less than her absolute happiness. I just missed her so. A few years later, Maruja got married in her late 40's. God blessed her with a man that adores her and values her the way she deserves. She has not had biological children, but she has always considered me her daughter, and I really am! She also knows and has been a part of my nephews' and niece's lives, and I can't wait till she meets and helps me with my babies when I have them!! She definitely has left her mark on many lives and continues to do so. She has especially been a blessing to me.

Maruja, no sabes cuanto te quiero y cuanto le agradesco al Senor que te alla enviado a nuestras vidas. Has convivido con nosotros en los momentos mas dificiles que emos pasado, con fidelidad y pacienca. Eres una de mis mejores amigas y como una madre segunda para mi. Gracias por tu humildad, tu cariño, y tus oraciones. Son muy appreciadas. Te extraño con todo el corazon, y no espero por volverte a ver y pasar tiempo contigo charlando, reyendo y recordando los momentos lindos. Nunca te olvido, te pienso mucho, y siempre seras mi nana adorada.

My sweetie little nephews and niece! Part 5

Finally, Jesse is the baby of all my nephews. He is also Monica's youngest. Jesse is still a child in elementary school, and I'm sure there will be much more to share about him in the future.

When Monica was pregnant with Jesse, the doctors were not sure everything was alright. They told Monica there might be a chance that he might have down syndrome. I don't fully recall exactly what was the reason why the doctor had this concern, but of course it made Monica very nervous. With much prayer, Monica brought Jesse into the world, and he was completely healthy and normal!! He is bright and quick-witted and clever.

Like Julia, Jesse is the spoiled baby. Jesse adores his big brother Joshua; and because there is a six year difference between them, Jesse has always been smarter and learned things quicker than kids his age. He always wanted to do everything Joshua was doing. He is also a momma's boy.

Jesse is hyper and playful. He is likes to dance and listen to music. His laughter is contagious. He is strong-willed and determined. He enjoys getting attention, and is sensitive when he feels ignored or left out. He is considerate, and never wants to hurt any one's feelings. He is emotional and expressive, and whatever is on his mind at any given moment is easily apparent.

Last year, Monica had to travel to South America for a month because of an urgent family matter. I stayed at her house and took care of Josh and Jesse. I mostly needed to oversee Jesse, drop him off and pick him up from school, help with homework, and make sure he ate well. It was a great opportunity to spend time with him. He was mostly obedient and cooperative and sweet and very tender. It was like being a mommy for a while. Everyday I would pick him up from school characteristically blasting my music. He learned a few songs, namely "Low" by Flo Rida, and would sing along to them. It was so cute to hear his little voice singing to hiphop and rap. When Monica returned she exclaimed, "what have you done to my son?" Lol!

Jesse is an affectionate darling and a cutie-pie. Sometimes he can drive you crazy because of his stubborn ideas of the way he wants things; other times you wanna just smother him with hugs and kisses and just hold and protect him. I love you Jesse. I miss you and am glad you are my baby nephew. I had fun spending time with you last year and I am proud of the boy you are. You are blessing and a joy to your mother and to all of us.

My sweetie little nephews and niece! Part 4

My niece Julia is Luli's youngest and the only girl. Of course, being the baby and the only girl, Julia gets a lot of attention and gets spoiled by everyone! She is adorable though and sweet. She is so cute and pretty and very clever. With two older brothers, Julia has her tomboy side, but she is definitely a little lady, dainty and flirty.

When Julia was in her early childhood, she would get into all sorts of trouble. She was crazy!! Her mother or anyone watching her could not take their eyes off of her for a second. No sooner than she would be out of one mess, she would immediately be in another. She was a lovely headache, LOL! She had no fear, but a never-ending supply of indomitable curiosity. She would get into things that were supposed to be off limits, find hidden cleaning chemicals, climb anything remotely climbable and up to menacing heights, play with toilet water and objects in the toilet (eeewwww!), smother food everywhere if she had access to it, and a variety of other mischievous activities. If there was a fork and a knife within her reach, she would no doubt reach for the knife with an expression on her face as if to say, "ooooh!! What is this interesting new toy?!" The family would always joke around saying that she didn't only have one guardian angel but at least a dozen, and they were all out of breath from chasing after her! She had a uncontrollable tendency to wander off whenever and wherever her little toddler heart desired. There was more than a couple instances when she just disappeared on one of her notorious neighborhood expeditions that ended with the local police frantically searching for her and her parents desperately praying and worried sick. She then would turn up across the street, down the block, or at a neighbors house without a scratch and flashing her usual carefree smile as if nothing had happened. I'm telling you, you couldn't turn your back away from the little rascal; and when it was too quiet in the house, you knew Julia was up to something fishy. Haha!

That being said, Julia is not at all timid. She is confident and vivacious. She is outspoken and comfortable about speaking her mind. Julia loves to dance and perform. She has begun to like singing and writes songs. She comes up with the lyrics and picks out the melodies on the keyboard. She is one of my biggest fans; every time she sees me she eagerly asks, "Becky, are you famous yet?!" I hope one day I can give her the answer she wants to hear.

A bit random but so cute I have to mention it, Julia loves vegetables. When she was little, her mom had the perfect blackmail to get Julia to obey to her. If Julia wouldn't eat her dinner or wasn't listening, Luli would say, "Julia, if you don't eat your food (or whatever she wasn't doing right), I won't give you any salad." Julia would open her eyes wide in horror and quickly would do what she was told so she wouldn't be deprived of her delicious salad she so craved. LOL! Most kids would be delighted not to have to eat their veggies, but for Julia it was the worst punishment she could get!

Julia is a good, loving girl. She is friendly and caring. She is talented and never shy about it. She has always had a strong will, and though it can be challenging to raise a child with that much personality, I think it will be a great advantage to her someday.

Julia, I love you, and I am proud of the young lady you are becoming. I love how you like to share your talents with everyone, and that you are not afraid to mess up. You are beautiful on the outside, but more importantly beautiful on the inside; and that's where it counts the most. I know you are gonna enjoying growing up and blossoming into a woman, but just don't be in a hurry to get there. I miss you and can't wait to see you and hear your songs. Kisses baby, and hugs.