Defeating acne and Learning to Love Myself

As I went through puberty in junior high, and throughout high school, I experienced the occasional breakout, generally around the time of my menstrual cycle each month. It wasn't too bad; in fact, I think it was pretty normal for that age. It wasn't until after I graduated high school and turned around twenty that I began suffering from a serious problem with acne.

It was so bad. I don't know if it was due to emotional stress, hormonal changes, or what, but I became very miserable. There were times my face was filled with bumps and was super pink and red. I remember feeling desperate for a solution. I must have tried every product on the market. I spent hours reading about it on the Internet. I learned about what acne was and reasons for why it may be caused, and I researched all sorts of different approaches to treating it and controlling it, and I continually regained hope every time I came across a claim that promised to cure it. Often I would try something new, and just as it seemed to be clearing my face, my acne would suddenly flare up again, and usually, worse than before. It was a vicious cycle; I would repeatedly become elated about finding something that appeared to be working for me, only to be let down once more. Eventually, I became so hopeless that I went through a deep depression for almost a year.

During the lowest point of that year, all I wanted to do was sleep. I hated looking at myself in the mirror because I felt so ugly. I never wanted to go out, and I would always wear my hair down to cover my face because I was ashamed of it. A few times at the dinner table, my nephew would innocently ask, "Becky, why do you have so many pimples?" The whole table would fall silent, and my embarrassed sister would then scold him. I would constantly try to brush it off by making jokes and referring to myself as "pizza face" or other things of that nature. My self esteem was on the floor. I remember once, and I will never forget that incident... I just wanted to die. I cried and cried on my bed and told God I didn't want to live looking like that anymore. It was afternoon, and I fell asleep sincerely not wanting to wake up again. I had an experience so extremely vivid. I felt my spirit detaching from my body, and I heard a billowing voice (I know it was God) asking "Is this really what you want?" But the voice was not gentle or friendly; it was a disappointed and stern voice that was holding me accountable to my decision. I really believe the power of free will is strong enough to make a decision like that. It freaked me out sooo much that I immediately woke up and repented like crazy. I have never ever wished to die again. It was the one and only time. I think that moment was the turning point of my situation, because I realized that there was so much I wanted to live for and I knew this temporal trial wasn't worth giving up everything else for.

While going through all of this, I also developed a very destructive habit. Whenever I'd have a blackhead or whitehead, I would pick at it to pop it. If I couldn't pop it easily, I would pick at it harder, squeeze it, scratch it, and dig my nails into it until I would damage the surrounding skin and sometimes even until it bled. I wouldn't stop until I got the black or whitehead out. I was frantic and so frustrated. The only thing it would do was leave a horrible red mark and sometimes a scar that wouldn't fade for a long time. It also unnecessarily spread bacteria causing even more breakout. I discovered later that this is a form of self mutilation. Though I have never purposely cut myself nor have done any of that with malicious intention, it was still hurting to me and unloving towards my body which is a temple of God. Because of this, now I have a sensitive spot in my heart towards people that compulsively hurt themselves.

This is all very personal, but I share it because it has made me more compassionate and understanding of people's self-image and self-confidence issues and appreciative of my own self-value. Beauty is not merely skin deep... It is way more profound than anything physical. I am convinced that many outer physical conditions are a reflection of turmoil within and can be linked to emotional and mental stress and negativity. As I continue to mature, I have strived to become more peaceful, forgiving, to cling to my faith adamantly, and to let go of anger and bitterness in order to enjoy the Gift of Life to its fullest. It is worth it in order to preserve health and happiness.

Gradually, I have overcome the need to pick at my skin, and by God's Grace, my skin has vastly improved. I get zits here and there, but it's not the tragedy that it once used to be... especially now that I am sure of who I am in Jesus. I also haven't again felt as hopeless as I did that year, and I have been through many ups and downs since then. If anyone reading this has struggled with acne and the feelings of shame it causes, know that you are precious regardless of it and you will not have to deal with it forever. It will pass. Please, DON'T pick at your skin!! ...no matter how tempting it may be, it could leave unwanted scars. Also, instead of obsessing over products and potential cures, pursue stillness and quietness of mind and spirit. Love and treasure yourself and pamper your skin which is your largest organ... And above all, trust that your Creator can adjust the functions of your body so that it performs the way it was designed to... You are worth it to Him. I mean that from the bottom of my heart <3>

Thank You Lord for healing of spirit, soul, mind, and body.

The Obliteration of Mount Disgusting!

One of the highlights of my week was popping the evil, massive zit that appeared out of nowhere on my face. On Sunday morning (the 8th of November) I noticed a red spot on my left cheek. I knew it was gonna be a big pimple, but I had no idea it was gonna be a bitch!! LOL! When I awoke to go to work on Monday, it had already become a conspicuous mound underneath my skin. My concealer couldn't even conceal it. It was dark red in it's depth and pink all around it's center fading into the surrounding skin. On Monday night, I was sure that by the next day it would surface into the usual pus-filled pustule, at which point it would easily pop during my daily ritual wiping with astringent. Boy was I wrong. On Tuesday it was the same red mound, and the infection I knew was in there, was so deep underneath the layers of skin that I couldn't even tell where the middle of it was. However, I kept on assuming the same thing each night: "Tomorrow morning it will have surfaced and I will rid myself of it!" Nope! It was like a creature with a personality was growing on my face, and it taunted me viciously every time I looked in the mirror. There's was no way to ignore it. It was so big and colored in contrast to my otherwise clear complexion, that whenever I looked at myself it was impossible for my gaze not to be immediately drawn to it. By Thursday, it was still the same, and it seemed to have gotten bigger. Not only was it harassing me visually, but it had also become very painful to the touch. When any form of pressure was applied to it, it felt like a needle pinching into my cheek muscle. The make-up artist on set that day, graciously tried to cover it up at my bidding, but even his professional make-up didn't prevail much in disguising the nasty fiend. He suggested that I steam it at home with a damp towel heated in the microwave to open up the pores and cause the underlying infection to rise to the surface. I couldn't wait to get home to proceed in following his instructions. I got home late that night, and though I was tired, I placed a towel dampened with the hottest water I could bear on the cyst several times. "Aaaaaah.... Surely tomorrow a whitehead will have formed and I will pop it without mercy!!" I happily thought to myself. On Friday morning I arose to the horror of the same stubborn, gigantic bump on my face! Unbelievable!! I don't think I've ever had a zit this bad, and trust me... I've had zits! I went to work on "Melrose Place" and thank God my friends were there to make light of it and make me laugh about it... but now, I was DETERMINED. During lunch I googled "how to draw a zit to the surface." I read all sorts of advice on the subject. I came across the hot damp towel trick several times, but it obviously hadn't been enough for this particularly bazaar and unpleasant occasion. Two suggestions seemed promising to me. The first was the use of hydrogen peroxide. One lady enthusiastically assured that applying hydrogen peroxide with a cotton ball to a zit for 15 or more minutes would cause it to come to a head. Their was a successful reply to her comment from someone who had tried it. Another website article stated that to differentiate between a zit and a boil, one should apply hydrogen peroxide in the same manner. If it was a zit, a whitehead would appear and it would begin healing. If it was a boil, nothing would happen. The second suggestion that seemed wise, was to apply a warm saltwater mixture to it with a cotton ball for the same amount of time. The salt would dry the pimple out and draw the infection to the surface. OK... So I got home on Friday night and applied hydrogen peroxide to it for 20 minutes. I saw a whitehead slightly appear, but it was still too deep and too faint to pop. I went to bed confident that on Saturday morning the whitehead would be full and ready to pop. UGGGGH... Let me tell you.. On Saturday morning there was no visible whitehead, and I was so frustrated I was the one about to burst instead of the pimple!!! First thing I did, while still in my pj's, was apply another cotton ball drenched in hydrogen peroxide to it for 15-20 minutes. Then I made the mixture of hot saltwater and applied that to it with a cotton ball for another 15-20 minutes. Finally a whitehead was clearly visible, but it was still too deep and painful to pop. So I reluctantly let it be. Half way through the day, I was in a dreary and lethargic mood. I realized that I was miserable and depressed by "Mount Disgusting" that had emerged on my cheek. I realized I had to get rid of it or else I wouldn't be able to get anything else done. I went into the bathroom and looked at the faint white center of the festering mountain of a zit, and I grabbed the towel I had used the night before. Now dry, I wet it with the hottest water that poured forth from the faucet and pressed it against my cheek. I could feel the zit burning. Then, as I gently pressed down on its sides, the whitehead in the center began surfacing more and more. I had read on the internet about using a pin to puncture a small hole into a pimple in order to drain it; so I disinfected a safety pin with 91% alcohol and stuck its spiky, sharp tip into the center of the whitehead only enough to create a tiny opening. A little bit of the white juice oozed out, so I grabbed the towel, wet it again in steamy, scalding water, and placed it on the zit to help open up the pore. I did that a couple times... then I squeezed... POP!!!! Part of the white juice spattered out!!! But I knew there was more of the nasty infection deeper inside... So I continued to squeeze and press against the sides of the zit harder. I was tense, with the muscles of my face clenched, scared that it would hurt; but suddenly, with rocket force, out gushed the rest of the pus and the solid little piece that was buried so deep in my skin too!!! Then it bled a little which confirmed that all the junk was completely out. OMG!!! What a relief that followed!! No more pain in my cheek; and with the iceberg, that was so large underneath the surface of my skin, now removed, my cheek was soft and already felt like it was beginning to smooth. I was so happy that I went downstairs and mock cried to Krystle. I had triumphed at last over the loathsome outbreak, and my pore had been rescued and cleansed out at last from the repulsive overgrowth of bacteria that had been trapped inside it. I finished the ordeal by smearing a good amount of Neosporin on the small open wound as I giggled with delightful glee at my glorious triumph. There is a mark on my cheek where the zit was, but it is healing and fading quickly now. I vow that I shall never let a zit inhabit my face for that long ever again!! And now that I know the ultimate zit obliterating technique, I don't think I will have a problem ;D

SAG and AFTRA

Yesterday and today (and always) I am thankful for the two unions I am a member of: the sister unions, SAG and AFTRA. I moved to California to get into the acting and entertainment business, and when I got here I didn't have a clue where to start. After a year and a half of wasting time in retail and bar tending, I finally became fed up of doing irrelevant things and decided to try background work. When I started, I was excited to be on set and was like a sponge, absorbing every bit of information I came across. I asked everybody I met questions about this work and how to get ahead. I quickly learned about vouchers and union eligibility requisites and casting companies and a whole bunch about other pertinent matters. I was, of course, working as a non-union extra and was being paid minimum wage, which was $8 an hour at the time. Obviously, that was nothing; but thankfully I was living with people who generously supported me, which made it possible for me to work for so little and make ends meet. Just like all the newbies in background, I became obsessed with the idea of getting the three union vouchers required to be able to join the Screen Actors Guild. I asked everybody how they got theirs, LOL! Now, when I hear someone eagerly asking those same questions, I remember what it was like, and I am so thankful to be passed that! Now, I confidently affirm them, "Don't worry! Sooner or later, you will get your vouchers. Just be patient and proactive." ...and that is all you can really do. There are no rules to this. Some people get them in the first week they start working; for others, it can take over a year or more. I was blessed to get them within three months of when I began working as an extra. Even so, I didn't have the $2400 initiation fee money to join SAG, so I kept working non-union. After almost 7 months of working non-union, God provided the money for me, and I was able to join SAG. Everything changed.

When a person joins SAG, not only does the pay rate increase drastically, but the treatment one receives greatly improves as well. When I was working non-union, I remember times when the production crew and the SAG members would be eating fabulous, catered meals, while non-union extras were given paper bags with a cold sub and an apple in them LOL! Hey, it's better than nothing... at most jobs you usually have to buy your own food. Once a union member, the pay can easily be over three times the non-union pay, depending on overtime and additional bumps, and SAG members enjoy many other perks and are protected from potential abuse of power on set. SAG regulates the actors' working condition and environment; and if the rules are not adhered to, they will send reps to set to enforce them. SAG also can fine production companies for any violations; this makes the companies a lot more compliant. Honestly, I rarely have had any complaints as most of my experiences on set have been pleasant. Any disagreements I've witnessed have usually been settled in a mostly civilized manner. In addition, SAG offers its members benefits and pensions to work towards, as well as health insurance coverage for members who are qualified. I am thankful to be receiving good pay for doing brainless work, LOL, and I feel better about my income contributing toward something greater than just daily work. There are many other functions of SAG that I have yet to learn about, and many protections it offers members, especially working actors with speaking roles. For now, all I can say is that being in this union has made a world of difference to me in an unquestionably positive way.

At the beginning of this year, I joined AFTRA. I had resisted for a long time because it simply was not necessary. I had plenty of work on SAG shows. Then, when SAG would not easily settle on a new contract with the producers last year, the producers canceled many SAG shows, and a lot of new ones went AFTRA. Although AFTRA is getting better, it is a very disorganized union. Also, it has different terms for different shows, which I think defeats the purpose of a union. However, I believe there is wisdom in the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them!" and it definitely applied in this case. I want to really pursue an acting career, so it only made sense to increase my opportunity by being a member of both unions. And, it has certainly paid off for me. I joined AFTRA just before SAG work notably slowed down, and because of that, I have continued to work steadily while others' work supply has decreased. Many AFTRA shows have increased their base rates too, some being higher than SAG rates, which is wonderful since a big excuse for unwillingness of many not to work AFTRA was because of poor pay in comparison to SAG. AFTRA is still far behind SAG in the benefits and residuals it offers its members, but hopefully they will both eventually find a way to join forces and becomes one main actors union, which would be the most fair situation to all people whose business is that of acting.

Overall, I am glad and proud to be part of these unions. The dividing issues between the two have caused problems for actors, but without them, the majority of actors would be lost. There would be nothing to protect actors or defend their rights. Negotiating with producers for new contracts is almost always an uphill battle, and inevitably, contracts expire every three years. Thank God for unions that fight for their members' just causes. Thank God for SAG and AFTRA.... and here's to someday having just ONE actors union!!

Health, Technology, and Curling Irons :)

Well.. again I fell behind, though this time I didn't feel too bad about it, ha! I'm slacking! To catch up, this entry will be a recap of the last three days and will be long. I did find many things to be grateful for. On Wednesday night I did go to my apartment complex's hot tub as I said I would, and it was FABULOUS! It was chilly outside and extremely hot in the tub... Aaaaaaah. On Thursday, I worked on the show "Melrose Place," and thank God my friends who usually work that show were there too. They make it fun and crack me up the entire time! We worked until late; I didn't get home until 1:45 in the morning. On Friday, I worked on a show called "Sons of Tucson" standing in for a day player. It was so chill! The actress only had one line, so I basically did nothing and got paid! Plus, my car was used in the scene, so that was a bit extra. During my time on set, I caught up with a very sweet friend of mine, and I also saw another friend I hadn't run into in a while. It was a good thing to hear her news; she has booked three commercials in the recent months, two of which were national and for big names. I am so happy for her, and it also motivates me. After an intensely productive run, I have slowed down a lot lately and am gearing up to make this coming year an excellent one! That night, I also made some new friends, and a bunch of us went to Friday's afterwards for drinks. Saturday, I made myself sleep in until 11:30, and did a little cleaning upon awaking. I went for a 2.5 mile jog, and later surfed the internet browsing for some products . I discovered an amazing curling iron a friend had recommended to me earlier this week and ordered it for half the price on ebay ;) I also found a way of using the same curling technique with the curling irons I already have, and I am in love with how it works!! My hair is going to be curled all week! May sound silly, but I am super thankful for this discovery LOL! It's absolutely awesome and makes me feel so pretty!!!! Today, I woke up early for church. In the afternoon, I cooked a wickedly delish Mexican meal: chili flavored fried rice mixed with ground beef simmered in taco seasoning, topped with diced tomatoes and shredded cheese, and served with a side of baked refried beans smothered with melted cheese! I went on a 2.5 mile sprint not too long ago, and just now finished a lovely bowl of peach ice cream.

Previously, I had already decided what to write about on Thursday but never got around to it. The subject matter is this: I am grateful for TECHNOLOGY! I'm pretty glad to have been born in an era with so much commodities. Cell phones, digital cameras, washers & dryers, microwaves, computers, high speed internet, television, AC and heaters, in short... all sorts of electronics. These things we tend to take for granted and are accustomed to their availability, but how freakin' awesome is it to pick up your completely wire-free phone, touch the screen (don't even have to dial anymore), and instantly be talking with a loved one over 3,000 miles away! Or hmmmmm.. what does "blah" (insert whatever) mean?? Oh.. I think I'll google that!... and I don't have to wait to get to my portable laptop at home, which I can use in any room of the house with the swiftest of ease... I can just pick up my handy dandy smart phone wherever I currently am and VUALA!.. I got the answer to my question. And wait! How cool are digital cameras? You mean I can view a picture as soon as I take it and delete it if I don't like it for any reason? Then I can print only the ones I want? ...not to mention all the neat applications that have been developed to alter and share pics such as photoshop, myspace, and the ever addicting facebook!!! How spoiled are we?? I won't even try to divulge the capabilities of software like Protools and MIDI and other audio engineering tools; it's just ridiculous what can be done with music nowadays, the sky's the limit! Oh, and can I just praise the advent airplanes into the modern age?!! Now we can live anywhere in the world and within a day be on the other side of the planet! What a wonderful thing for those who have family in far off places, to have the comfort of knowing that, if need be, they can just jump on a plane and hurry to be at their family's side. What about this?.. Imagine trying to do household chores and cleaning back in the olden days, without the aid of vacuums, dish washing machines, washers and dryers, and irons! Uggh! That's inconceivable! Yet, we always find reasons to complain. I recently watched a video a friend posted on her facebook profile. It is a clip of Conan O'Brian interviewing a comedian by the name of Louis CK. The clip is called "everything's great and nobody's happy." While being very humorous, the comedian makes a valid point. People have become so impatient, myself included; if they can't get information on their mobile phones or computers in a matter of seconds, it is a tragedy! Wasn't it only a decade ago that it was a privilege to even have "dial up" internet access?! God forbid it take 10 seconds instead of 5 to view a website or open e-mail LOL! By the way, I'm so oblivious... I realized not too long ago that the term "snail-mail" means the regular postal service mail! And isn't it hilarious to call it that? A true indication of how technology has raised our expectations of how quickly tasks should be expedited. Anyways, the youtube clip is really good, watch it if you can; it's funny and relatable. To summarize, I am so blessed to enjoy the wonders of technology and science and engineering the way we know it today. In addition, even though almost everybody around us seems to have these things, there are still many people and places across the globe that have yet to experience playing with or even seeing these gadgets, and some never will. Even in this country, there a many individuals without cars, computers, or phones... and some of them are more concerned with getting shoes on their feet. Thank you God for all my blessings and my fun gadgets :*)!

Last, but greatest of all blessings stated here, I am thankful for my health and that of people I care for. In the last week, I've been hearing too many stories of terrible illnesses affecting people, the most horrible of the stories being a 5 year old child fighting a two and a half year battle with cancer. Apparently, Noah's family doesn't think he will make it to Christmas this year and have decided to celebrate it early for him, I believe next week. They are requesting for people (anyone) to send Christmas cards to him, and thousands already have. If you'd like to send a card, address it to:

Noah Biorkman

1141 Fountain View Circle

South Lyon, MI 48178.

But, most importantly, if you have the slightest moment, say a prayer for a miracle to change Noah's seeming fate... stranger things have happened, and God can do anything! Let's be thankful for a blessing as simple but essential as our health; and if you don't have that, keep believing that while there is life, there is hope.

Wireless Internet, YouTube, & HotTubs

Today, I was absolutely useless! LOL!! I woke up at 9am and watched youtube pretty much all day! Last night I discovered that a Mexican soap opera I watched back in 1994, is on youtube... all 43 one hour episodes!!! I'm hooked! I watched 11 episodes which took about 7 hours, since there are no commercials. Like a true coach potato, I ate breakfast and lunch in front of the "tube" - aka: my macbook. My laptop's convenient portability allowed me to watch while eating at the kitchen table, while vegetating in my pj's on my bed, and while later exercising in the living room. OK, so I guess I did one thing of value which was to work out. I strategically placed my computer on my little dinner tray table on the floor while I jogged in place, did squats and lunges, lifted weights, and did some push-ups. I reluctantly interrupted my soap marathon to do some grooming in preparation for work tomorrow and to write my daily blog. Right now, I'm watching the Lakers basketball game, and soon I'm going to sit down to eat dinner with the fam. After, I'm going to lounge in the hot tub with Krys for a while before showering and going to bed. I don't think I will have time to watch another episode of my favorite soap of all time tonight, but I can't wait to continue it!! Right now though, the hot tub is seriously a priority. I am looking forward to entering the scalding hot water and exiting with prune fingertips :) Today, I am thankful for my wireless internet connection and for youtube which together made watching my soap an easy, comfortable and wonderfully pleasant experience. LOL... I sound like an advertisement, but I am truly sincere. I am also thankful for the deliciously therapeutic hot tub that is patiently awaiting me. Sigh....

Ice Cream

Today, I didn't have work. I let myself sleep in as long as my body let me, and when I woke up, I exercised. Then I took a shower and left to run some errands. I replenished my stock of beauty and grooming supplies, and I sent some greeting cards out at the post office. When I returned home, I went with Krystle to the mall, and while she did research for her fashion school project, I shopped for shoes :) I was looking for a pair of silver flat sandals to match my light grey dress. I have a lot of heels, but not many flats. Plus, I want to show of my cute toenail color. I found a pair of shimmery metal silver sandals for just $14.99; and there was a buy 2 for $25 sale! So I purchased a pair of black low-wedged sandals as well. On our return home, we had dinner with the fam, and I did some miscellaneous activities here and there... Overall, it was a pretty uneventful day. Except for the fact that it is my wonderful sister's birthday today, there isn't much to note about this day other than it's easy-going and leisure passing. Tomorrow, again I didn't get work, and as I sit here discussing the subject of "Destiny" with my friend, I realize that I am not there yet. I'm on my way somehow, but not there. What would you call the way there?? ..."THE PATH"? ..."THE JOURNEY"? Whatever the case, that's where I am... just going. There you go! "GOING" ...that's what I'll call it.

Earlier this evening I was craving ice cream. I was disappointed in my search of Thrifty's pineapple coconut ice cream at Rite Aid which, by the way, is the MOST awesomely delicious flavor! Instead, I left with cookies n' cream and peach ice cream, which turned out to be satisfying enough for now. I guess then, today I am thankful for ice cream LOL! ...all of the flavors... If I didn't try different kinds, then I guess I wouldn't know what my favorite one is ;)

The Cycles of LIfe

It's a great early day from work! I barely could get myself out of bed this morning to be at work by 7am. When I got to ABC studios, I was informed that our small group would only be in one scene, and that would be it! "Yay!" We all exclaimed in almost unison. After we got in our appropriate wardrobe, we were walked over to the sound stage where the show was shooting. I had a lovely breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs, country potatoes, oatmeal with raisins, and two perfectly small pancakes with butter and syrup. A touch of yogurt with mixed berries completed my meal. We stayed in the set's fake courtyard, comfy in lounge chairs, waiting until we would be used in the scene. Drowsy from the benadryl I took this morning, I quickly knocked out upon my arm resting my head on the table. I slept for about an hour and a half, until the camera turn around demanded my presence. Today I was a nurse in the background of a doctor's office for the show "Brothers and Sisters." The scene took a lot longer to shoot than I expected, but we were still released by 11:45 in the AM. With the rest of the day to relax and do whatever, I drove myself over to Sally Beauty Supply to treat myself to a couple bottles of nail polish. As I write this, my toenails gleam of a bright, tangerine pinkish color :) The other color is a glittery purple I look forward to using at a later date.

(Interruption... phone rings...)

Wow.. On a entirely different note, I was literally just informed that my brother-in-law's mother just passed away. She was a lovely woman. She lived a long and fruitful life. With six children and well over 20 grandchildren and many great grandchildren, she left a beautiful legacy behind; and it will be passed on. The Stoltzfus family is a caring, generous and God-fearing family. They have been a true family to my sister Luli and are always there for her and for each other. I can only hope my in-laws are just half as great as they are. At 86 years of age, Katie had been struggling with illness for the last few years. She is now home and at peace with our Savior and Lord, Jesus. My heart reaches out to her family as they go through this difficult hour. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Not being so sure what to write about today, I can say right now that I am thankful to have known Katie, and I am thankful for every cycle of life. The great times when everything is running smoothly, the heartbreaks that teach lessons of humility and patience and endurance, the prospered phases, and the ones that stretch us uncomfortably until we learn to adjust ourselves in accordance. I am thankful to have life today, and I plan to live it fully and audaciously.

The cycles surround us. While some are laughing, others are crying; while new souls are being birthed, others are passing on. It makes me also question though, is what we so easily become distraught about really worth the wasted emotion?? While there is still life, there is always HOPE of a better future. When someone leaves this earth, especially a loved one, all we can do is mourn and grieve and remember them throughout our process of healing. So my proposition is this: Whatever circumstance you may be currently facing, face it with joy and confidence knowing that you still have endless possibilities while you are here and breathing. If you are going through a loss, only time can help mend your brokenness; but in the meantime, try desperately to live your life through your loved one's eyes. I'm sure they only want happiness for you, and sometimes happiness is just a decision away.

Catching up...

...So I fell behind in my blog for two days!! My last post was on Monday or Tuesday, and though I have been writing everyday, I didn't want to post anything until I was fully caught up. Let me just say, writing poems is enjoyable but can be extremely frustrating, especially when I am thinking of other things and am not in creative mode. My neurons are spent! But there it is! My four poems, one for every season :D! I am so over it LOL! Finally, today I had the time to finish the last poem, and now I am writing this at 5:30 pm. This entry is for the last two days, yesterday - Saturday and today - Sunday.

Yesterday was Halloween, and it was super and, in some respects, very last minute fun! My best friend Krys, has been ridiculously busy with school and had decided not to do anything for Halloween. I, on the other hand, was determined to do something, though I had no idea what. I even thought of flying to Reno to visit a dear friend I haven't seen it what seems like an eternity. Checking flight prices for the two days prior to Halloween was to no avail. It wasn't any less than $250 to travel, and for only one night, it just wasn't worth it to me. Here I had been invited to a few events which were mostly at clubs or bars, and I was not much in the mood for that. Thankfully, on Thursday, a good girlfriend of mine invited me to her apartment for a late party she would be throwing on Halloween night. I told her I'd surely come. On Friday, I was fortunate to make a new acquaintance who extended an invitation to me to attend a Halloween bash at his home in the Hollywood Hills. I convinced Krys to go with me. I knew she would end up moping at home alone while I hit the town, and that was simply unacceptable. A frantic dash to the costume store, to piece an outfit together for her to wear, ended in success when we found feathery angel wings and a halo to accompany a white dress I lent her. She was a beautiful white angel, and I, a naughty nurse. LOL! What fun!!! We pulled into the Hollywood home at 8pm, and as we climbed the long flight of stairs up to the beautiful house, which sat on the side of the canyon overlooking a fabulous view of Universal City, we squirmed with glee realizing what a great party this would turn out to be. As the first guests to arrive, we commanded the full attention of our gracious hosts and were first serve at the open bar. I was glad to receive a warm welcome from and pleasant encounters with new people who all were very friendly, polite, and sane! Hey, in this town you never know.. there are some crazies! LOL! But at this party, it was good times and good people. As the crowd began to accumulate, we proceeded to introduce ourselves and started taking the notorious costume pictures that make Halloween what it is... an excuse for pure goofiness! The hor'derves began going around as music played and more people continued arriving. We danced, laughed, mingled, drank, ate, joked around etc.. After three and a half hours, we left to go to my other friends' apartment where we finished the evening with pepperoni pizza and jello shots that were way too strong! Ha! And what a great night to roll the clocks back an hour for the time change, an extra hour to get more rest... Like a cherry on top of whip cream, or whip cream on top of ice cream, if you don't like cherries ;)

Last week was great. There were pleasant surprises and nice memories made. I am also grateful to have had a busy work week, and long hours at work for some badass overtime! I am thankful for times to party and just enjoy life, and it is encouraging to make spur of the moment decisions that end up being just what the doctor ordered. I am thankful when I meet people that prove to be who they say they are, even if their stories sound a bit extraordinary. I am thankful for a new month in which I don't know what the heck I will write about, but that inches me closer to the new year and completion of this blog. I am excited for the mystery of this coming week, the great experiences it holds for me, and the anticipation of serendipitous meetings. I am thankful to be fully caught up now and hope I don't fall behind again!

"Ode to the Four Seasons: Summer"

It's Summer, Oooweee!!
The best season, you'll see!
Fun without regulation
And endless jubilation!
School is out for vacation
No more scholastic frustration!
Some are finally graduating,
Their families happily celebrating!
Time for going on trips,
Like cruising on ships,
Or maybe flying on a plane
To a foreign terrain!
And wherever you are,
Whether near or far..
There will be plenty of heat
And walking around in bare feet
By the pool or on the sand
Or on the park's grassy land.
And there will be lots of swimming;
The resorts will be brimming
With people catching rays,
On those hot summer days.
As summer eases by,
It's now fourth of July!
On the day of our country's birth,
We commemorate our freedom's worth.
This day signed the Declaration,
A bold and timeless proclamation,
Of our rightful independence,
And we give it great eminence,
By taking the day off
And doing all sorts of stuff:
But the best of the perks
Is the display of fireworks!
Exuberantly cast,
They explode with a blast!
They are shot up so high
In the dark night sky,
That they're seen from anywhere,
As the lights float through the air!
Over the horizon, the show drapes,
Creating fantastical shapes!
What a grand exposition,
Of our liberty's acquisition!
Though no more reason
To party this season,
The rest of the summer
Is far from a bummer!
Chillin' in bathing suits,
Eating tropical fruits,
While you bask in the sun;
The fun's just begun!
Put on your board shorts
For some thrilling water sports!
Take a ride on the surf,
The ocean's liquid turf;
Or grab your water skis
And zoom through choppy seas!
Knee boarding and inner tubing
Are tremendously amusing
Or visit some lakes
And board the boat wakes!
Snorkeling and scuba
Aren't only for Aruba...
So strap on your goggles
And prepare to be boggled,
By what you'll explore
Beyond the blue shore!
A bit of sailing
Will have you hailing,
Summer as the best,
Forgetting all the rest!
There's so much to do
From get togethers to Bar-BQ's.
Long nights and star gazing
Will have romantic hearts blazing!
And whether married or single,
There's opportunity to mingle,
Memories to make,
And adventures to take!
The list goes on forever
Summer, the greatest season ever!

"Ode to the Four Seasons: Spring"

Spring is in the air,
And temperatures are rising.
Grass is peeking up through snow
Under which it had been hiding.
The ice is steadily melting;
The sun is shining bright,
Ending hibernation
With it's powerful rays of light.
The Easter bunny is in town,
We're painting and hiding eggs!
But really it's about our
Savior rising from the dead!
Redemption bought at what high price
That day at Calvary...
When Jesus shed His precious blood
And died for you and me.
Then three days after hope was lost
When Christ gave His last breath,
HE ROSE OUT OF THE GRAVE...
And conquered sin and death!!!
Look out! Spring break has hit,
And all the students are free,
To go crazy or just be lazy
Or catch up on some zzzzzzz's!
Just for a week, then reluctantly,
To school they will return,
To continue with their studies;
There's still so much to learn!
But it's just as well
To stay indoors,
For work or school or
household chores...
For outside it is
Gloomy and wet!
Water has condensed,
And the skies have let
Precipitation fall,
Known as April showers:
Much needed rain
For blooming flowers!
The Purple Crocus
Usually Comes first,
But stick around
You'll be immersed...
In various scents
And colors awesome!
Take for example,
The Cherry Blossom.
In DC they surround the
Potomac River.
As the wind lightly blows,
And the petals quiver,
It's such a gorgeous
Sight to behold!
The beauty could never
Be justly told!
For words cannot
Begin to describe,
The glory displayed
When flowers thrive!
Freesia, Orchids,
Zinnia, and Heather,
Completely unfold
In spring's cool weather!
Tulips and Roses and
Lovely Sweet Peas...
A heavenly playground
For the bumble bees.
The hummingbird flaps
Her wings so fast;
Spring's bewitching
Spell has been cast.
As the school year
Comes to a close,
So does spring,
But everyone knows,
The best season
Is yet to come!
Let's all get ready
For summer fun!

"Ode to the Four Seasons: Winter"

It's the first day of winter
Christmas is within a week!!
A tiny snowflake has landed
Upon your rosy cheek.
Outside there's children laughing,
And all are filled with cheer,
Because it seems we'll have
Another white Christmas this year!
The carolers are singing,
Going from door to door,
While procrastinators are shopping,
last minute at the stores.
Presents, nicely wrapped,
Are under the Christmas tree;
Couples are under the mistletoe
Kissing for all to see!
The Eve is here and old St. Nick
We're told will surely come!
But we all know deep down inside
It's all about God's Son.
A King was born upon this day
Ago in Bethlehem!
..A star so bright to light the night
And point the world to Him!
And now we set apart some time
To think about a change.
Decide the things within our lives
We need to rearrange.
New years is again at hand,
And we all have made conclusions.
We've set our goals and then defined
Our personal resolutions.
At each year's end the world is blessed
With a brand new beginning..
As we progress, and do our best
We always will be winning!
January! A fresh new start...
Looking forward to all the things
And the all the great adventures

The new year will surely bring.
Outside the weather's frigid;
The nights are oh so cold!
...A great excuse to cuddle,
And a loved one to closely hold.
Snuggled by the fire,
Getting cozy and warm,
Looking out the window
At the crazy blizzard storm!
Tomorrow we'll be snowed in!
We'll stay bundled in our beds...
Then later we'll speed down the slope
Upon our plastic sleds!
Mittens, gloves and scarfs,
Down coats and tall boots..
Ear muffs, ice skates, snowboards,
Skis and matching ski suits.
Yay! So much to do outdoors,
The snow can be pure fun!
Be sure to take some Vitamin C
Before the day is done...
Preventions taken to avoid
Viruses, colds, and flus...
Like wearing socks and slippers
When you're not wearing shoes.
February has returned again with
A day for romance and lovers...
Two hearts entwined in love sublime,
Some action under the covers!
Chocolates and red roses
And cards are a typical sign
Of a lover's fervent passion
Toward their Valentine.
March now steadily passing.
It's nearing winter's end.
But there's some spring surprises
Coming just around bend!

"Ode to the Four Seasons: Autumn"

Autumn is here,
it's back to school...
Farewell to the beach
and the swimming pool!
Weather is changing,
the wind is light,
Warmth gives way
to fall's cool nights.
Red and purple,
orange, brown and yellow...
Leaves are turning,
and the mood is mellow.
Increasingly chilly,
as rainbow colored trees
Are swaying gently
in the autumn breeze.
What a vivid prism
across the forest painted!
Though the woods' green whithers,
it is beautifully tainted!
Soon each leaf,
one by one will fall...
Perennials made bare,
standing naked and tall.
Dead, dry foliage
scattered on the ground,
Children of all ages
have delightfully found..
Rake the crispy leaves
into a huge gigantic pile!
It makes for a splendidly
diverting while.
Jump into the pile,
hear the crunching and crackling!
Throw leaves in the air,
enjoy some rolling and tackling!
Run inside the house
to carve the pumpkin with care,
A candle lit inside
will make the jack-o-lantern glare!
Now brightly glowing,
the biggest pumpkin in the patch
Will spook some trick-or-treaters
hoping candy they can snatch.
Halloween has arrived,
a feast of goblins and ghosts!
Wear a silly costume,
the one that stands out the most!
October come and gone,
and the next month is November...
There are reasons to be grateful
and to solemnly remember,
The blessings that the Lord Most High
faithfully has given,
All He has bestowed on us
and upon the world we live in.
Let us not forget the amazing
Thanksgiving meal we eat..
Juicy stuffing stuffed inside
the tender turkey meat!
Mashed potatoes, gravy,
cranberry sauce, and corn,
Delicious pies and dessert wines,
no time to be forlorn.
Sparkling cider fills the glasses,
a toast we'll surely raise
Offering our gratitude,
with gladness, love and praise!
Plenty of yummy leftovers
to last for days and days!
Convenience for consumers
shopping Black Friday away.
So many sales, the malls are packed
with people buying things,
For the traditional exchange of gifts,
the Christmas season brings.
Houses are being cheerfully strung
with holiday lights and decor
Autumn is nearly over,
And there's so much more in store!