Meeting my Dad

Today is my dad's birthday. Two years ago, I didn't even know him...

My mom and dad split before I was even born. For reasons that are too private and personal to mention, they didn't stay together. I didn't have a relationship with my dad while growing up. It was a complicated situation. It probably didn't have to be complicated, but we humans are really good at complicating things. It is what it is. When my dad began to show interest in getting to know me better, my mom freaked out and moved us to Florida. In retrospect, it would have been nice to have a dad in my life at a young age, but I understand why my mom did what she did. She was a single mom, and I was all she had. She was afraid that if my dad spent time with me, he would fall in love with me and want to take me away from her; or that maybe I would prefer to be with him and his new family. When we moved, she didn't inform him or tell him where we were going. My dad did contribute financial help to my mom on a regular basis, but the disconnect that arose from our move eventually caused him to stop his support. I never asked my mom about what happened between them... I simply didn't have the guts. I knew it was a touchy subject to her, and that it was painful for her to recall. I didn't want to see her cry or hurt her, or perhaps I was scared of what I might learn as well. Outside of this taboo issue, I was pretty occupied with school and adolescent things, like friends and boys and having fun. The "missing father" theme was not at all my central focus. Of course, moments arose when I acutely felt without him, but I would always looked at the bright side of things and remained content with what I had.

Transitioning into adulthood is a different story. As I got ready to take on the world and responsibility, the void of my father's absence became more noticeable. My sister Luli often encouraged me to search him out and insisted that I needed to have that part of my life resolved. I would brush her off like it didn't matter. Truthfully, deep down inside I was very scared of rejection. I still wasn't aware of the details of the past, and I figured that if he really wanted me in his life, he would have been there for me or would have tried to find me. Just the thought of calling him up randomly as his long lost daughter made me feel frightfully and defenselessly vulnerable. What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he was upset at me for some reason I didn't understand? What if he didn't even try to meet me half way or even a little bit at all? My fear got the better of me, and I continued going on the way it was without taking any initiative and without risking possible suffering. My dreams brought me to California. Strangely, the year before my father and I spoke, I would consistently have premonitions that he was trying to get in touch with me. Unknown numbers would call my phone, and I would find myself imagining it was him. As I grew and matured spiritually, I became less intimidated by the idea of taking the first step. Then it happened... I was working on the set of the movie "Iron Man," and a little girl I befriended innocently questioned me about my dad and how it felt to grow up without him. I sincerely responded by assuring her that I had a great childhood with the family members I had. After all, modern families are made up of so many compositions: grandparents, parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins... etc. That evening, as I drove home, I felt a peace about my dad I hadn't felt before. All of a sudden, I knew I had the courage to approach him. It was early December, and the Christmas was right around the corner. I decided that I would pursue the idea of meeting him in the new year, after the holiday craziness. No need for that! A week later my dad called me and left a message! From where I least expected it, my sister Monica had contacted him and given him my number. When I called him back it was surreal and emotional, to say the least, but I was ready. God had prepared the situation perfectly.

My dad and I met that very Christmas season. I didn't even have to ask him anything. When we got into his car, he immediately volunteered the story of him and my mom that I had never heard. I cried, I laughed, I forgave, and I healed much from that first encounter. I discovered facts about him, my mom, and myself that if not for our meeting, I would have most likely not realized. A lot of erroneous thinking was adjusted and is still in the process of being corrected. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to meet my father and my family on his side and now be in communication with them. I am blessed to know that he always wanted me and that he is very happy to finally have me in his life. And I am blessed to know that, even though I didn't have him in the majority of my life until now, I was brought up by the most wonderful mother and sisters in the world. Now, I truly hope that time gives me the chance to get closer to him and also to my brothers and sisters.

Dad, I am grateful for you. Though, I am just getting to know you, I can see many great traits in you that I am proud you possess. Thank you for being ready and willing for reconciliation, and thank you for your openness. I hope you enjoyed your birthday today, and that there are many more to come for us to share. May God bless you and our family :)