Defeating acne and Learning to Love Myself

As I went through puberty in junior high, and throughout high school, I experienced the occasional breakout, generally around the time of my menstrual cycle each month. It wasn't too bad; in fact, I think it was pretty normal for that age. It wasn't until after I graduated high school and turned around twenty that I began suffering from a serious problem with acne.

It was so bad. I don't know if it was due to emotional stress, hormonal changes, or what, but I became very miserable. There were times my face was filled with bumps and was super pink and red. I remember feeling desperate for a solution. I must have tried every product on the market. I spent hours reading about it on the Internet. I learned about what acne was and reasons for why it may be caused, and I researched all sorts of different approaches to treating it and controlling it, and I continually regained hope every time I came across a claim that promised to cure it. Often I would try something new, and just as it seemed to be clearing my face, my acne would suddenly flare up again, and usually, worse than before. It was a vicious cycle; I would repeatedly become elated about finding something that appeared to be working for me, only to be let down once more. Eventually, I became so hopeless that I went through a deep depression for almost a year.

During the lowest point of that year, all I wanted to do was sleep. I hated looking at myself in the mirror because I felt so ugly. I never wanted to go out, and I would always wear my hair down to cover my face because I was ashamed of it. A few times at the dinner table, my nephew would innocently ask, "Becky, why do you have so many pimples?" The whole table would fall silent, and my embarrassed sister would then scold him. I would constantly try to brush it off by making jokes and referring to myself as "pizza face" or other things of that nature. My self esteem was on the floor. I remember once, and I will never forget that incident... I just wanted to die. I cried and cried on my bed and told God I didn't want to live looking like that anymore. It was afternoon, and I fell asleep sincerely not wanting to wake up again. I had an experience so extremely vivid. I felt my spirit detaching from my body, and I heard a billowing voice (I know it was God) asking "Is this really what you want?" But the voice was not gentle or friendly; it was a disappointed and stern voice that was holding me accountable to my decision. I really believe the power of free will is strong enough to make a decision like that. It freaked me out sooo much that I immediately woke up and repented like crazy. I have never ever wished to die again. It was the one and only time. I think that moment was the turning point of my situation, because I realized that there was so much I wanted to live for and I knew this temporal trial wasn't worth giving up everything else for.

While going through all of this, I also developed a very destructive habit. Whenever I'd have a blackhead or whitehead, I would pick at it to pop it. If I couldn't pop it easily, I would pick at it harder, squeeze it, scratch it, and dig my nails into it until I would damage the surrounding skin and sometimes even until it bled. I wouldn't stop until I got the black or whitehead out. I was frantic and so frustrated. The only thing it would do was leave a horrible red mark and sometimes a scar that wouldn't fade for a long time. It also unnecessarily spread bacteria causing even more breakout. I discovered later that this is a form of self mutilation. Though I have never purposely cut myself nor have done any of that with malicious intention, it was still hurting to me and unloving towards my body which is a temple of God. Because of this, now I have a sensitive spot in my heart towards people that compulsively hurt themselves.

This is all very personal, but I share it because it has made me more compassionate and understanding of people's self-image and self-confidence issues and appreciative of my own self-value. Beauty is not merely skin deep... It is way more profound than anything physical. I am convinced that many outer physical conditions are a reflection of turmoil within and can be linked to emotional and mental stress and negativity. As I continue to mature, I have strived to become more peaceful, forgiving, to cling to my faith adamantly, and to let go of anger and bitterness in order to enjoy the Gift of Life to its fullest. It is worth it in order to preserve health and happiness.

Gradually, I have overcome the need to pick at my skin, and by God's Grace, my skin has vastly improved. I get zits here and there, but it's not the tragedy that it once used to be... especially now that I am sure of who I am in Jesus. I also haven't again felt as hopeless as I did that year, and I have been through many ups and downs since then. If anyone reading this has struggled with acne and the feelings of shame it causes, know that you are precious regardless of it and you will not have to deal with it forever. It will pass. Please, DON'T pick at your skin!! ...no matter how tempting it may be, it could leave unwanted scars. Also, instead of obsessing over products and potential cures, pursue stillness and quietness of mind and spirit. Love and treasure yourself and pamper your skin which is your largest organ... And above all, trust that your Creator can adjust the functions of your body so that it performs the way it was designed to... You are worth it to Him. I mean that from the bottom of my heart <3>

Thank You Lord for healing of spirit, soul, mind, and body.

The Obliteration of Mount Disgusting!

One of the highlights of my week was popping the evil, massive zit that appeared out of nowhere on my face. On Sunday morning (the 8th of November) I noticed a red spot on my left cheek. I knew it was gonna be a big pimple, but I had no idea it was gonna be a bitch!! LOL! When I awoke to go to work on Monday, it had already become a conspicuous mound underneath my skin. My concealer couldn't even conceal it. It was dark red in it's depth and pink all around it's center fading into the surrounding skin. On Monday night, I was sure that by the next day it would surface into the usual pus-filled pustule, at which point it would easily pop during my daily ritual wiping with astringent. Boy was I wrong. On Tuesday it was the same red mound, and the infection I knew was in there, was so deep underneath the layers of skin that I couldn't even tell where the middle of it was. However, I kept on assuming the same thing each night: "Tomorrow morning it will have surfaced and I will rid myself of it!" Nope! It was like a creature with a personality was growing on my face, and it taunted me viciously every time I looked in the mirror. There's was no way to ignore it. It was so big and colored in contrast to my otherwise clear complexion, that whenever I looked at myself it was impossible for my gaze not to be immediately drawn to it. By Thursday, it was still the same, and it seemed to have gotten bigger. Not only was it harassing me visually, but it had also become very painful to the touch. When any form of pressure was applied to it, it felt like a needle pinching into my cheek muscle. The make-up artist on set that day, graciously tried to cover it up at my bidding, but even his professional make-up didn't prevail much in disguising the nasty fiend. He suggested that I steam it at home with a damp towel heated in the microwave to open up the pores and cause the underlying infection to rise to the surface. I couldn't wait to get home to proceed in following his instructions. I got home late that night, and though I was tired, I placed a towel dampened with the hottest water I could bear on the cyst several times. "Aaaaaah.... Surely tomorrow a whitehead will have formed and I will pop it without mercy!!" I happily thought to myself. On Friday morning I arose to the horror of the same stubborn, gigantic bump on my face! Unbelievable!! I don't think I've ever had a zit this bad, and trust me... I've had zits! I went to work on "Melrose Place" and thank God my friends were there to make light of it and make me laugh about it... but now, I was DETERMINED. During lunch I googled "how to draw a zit to the surface." I read all sorts of advice on the subject. I came across the hot damp towel trick several times, but it obviously hadn't been enough for this particularly bazaar and unpleasant occasion. Two suggestions seemed promising to me. The first was the use of hydrogen peroxide. One lady enthusiastically assured that applying hydrogen peroxide with a cotton ball to a zit for 15 or more minutes would cause it to come to a head. Their was a successful reply to her comment from someone who had tried it. Another website article stated that to differentiate between a zit and a boil, one should apply hydrogen peroxide in the same manner. If it was a zit, a whitehead would appear and it would begin healing. If it was a boil, nothing would happen. The second suggestion that seemed wise, was to apply a warm saltwater mixture to it with a cotton ball for the same amount of time. The salt would dry the pimple out and draw the infection to the surface. OK... So I got home on Friday night and applied hydrogen peroxide to it for 20 minutes. I saw a whitehead slightly appear, but it was still too deep and too faint to pop. I went to bed confident that on Saturday morning the whitehead would be full and ready to pop. UGGGGH... Let me tell you.. On Saturday morning there was no visible whitehead, and I was so frustrated I was the one about to burst instead of the pimple!!! First thing I did, while still in my pj's, was apply another cotton ball drenched in hydrogen peroxide to it for 15-20 minutes. Then I made the mixture of hot saltwater and applied that to it with a cotton ball for another 15-20 minutes. Finally a whitehead was clearly visible, but it was still too deep and painful to pop. So I reluctantly let it be. Half way through the day, I was in a dreary and lethargic mood. I realized that I was miserable and depressed by "Mount Disgusting" that had emerged on my cheek. I realized I had to get rid of it or else I wouldn't be able to get anything else done. I went into the bathroom and looked at the faint white center of the festering mountain of a zit, and I grabbed the towel I had used the night before. Now dry, I wet it with the hottest water that poured forth from the faucet and pressed it against my cheek. I could feel the zit burning. Then, as I gently pressed down on its sides, the whitehead in the center began surfacing more and more. I had read on the internet about using a pin to puncture a small hole into a pimple in order to drain it; so I disinfected a safety pin with 91% alcohol and stuck its spiky, sharp tip into the center of the whitehead only enough to create a tiny opening. A little bit of the white juice oozed out, so I grabbed the towel, wet it again in steamy, scalding water, and placed it on the zit to help open up the pore. I did that a couple times... then I squeezed... POP!!!! Part of the white juice spattered out!!! But I knew there was more of the nasty infection deeper inside... So I continued to squeeze and press against the sides of the zit harder. I was tense, with the muscles of my face clenched, scared that it would hurt; but suddenly, with rocket force, out gushed the rest of the pus and the solid little piece that was buried so deep in my skin too!!! Then it bled a little which confirmed that all the junk was completely out. OMG!!! What a relief that followed!! No more pain in my cheek; and with the iceberg, that was so large underneath the surface of my skin, now removed, my cheek was soft and already felt like it was beginning to smooth. I was so happy that I went downstairs and mock cried to Krystle. I had triumphed at last over the loathsome outbreak, and my pore had been rescued and cleansed out at last from the repulsive overgrowth of bacteria that had been trapped inside it. I finished the ordeal by smearing a good amount of Neosporin on the small open wound as I giggled with delightful glee at my glorious triumph. There is a mark on my cheek where the zit was, but it is healing and fading quickly now. I vow that I shall never let a zit inhabit my face for that long ever again!! And now that I know the ultimate zit obliterating technique, I don't think I will have a problem ;D

SAG and AFTRA

Yesterday and today (and always) I am thankful for the two unions I am a member of: the sister unions, SAG and AFTRA. I moved to California to get into the acting and entertainment business, and when I got here I didn't have a clue where to start. After a year and a half of wasting time in retail and bar tending, I finally became fed up of doing irrelevant things and decided to try background work. When I started, I was excited to be on set and was like a sponge, absorbing every bit of information I came across. I asked everybody I met questions about this work and how to get ahead. I quickly learned about vouchers and union eligibility requisites and casting companies and a whole bunch about other pertinent matters. I was, of course, working as a non-union extra and was being paid minimum wage, which was $8 an hour at the time. Obviously, that was nothing; but thankfully I was living with people who generously supported me, which made it possible for me to work for so little and make ends meet. Just like all the newbies in background, I became obsessed with the idea of getting the three union vouchers required to be able to join the Screen Actors Guild. I asked everybody how they got theirs, LOL! Now, when I hear someone eagerly asking those same questions, I remember what it was like, and I am so thankful to be passed that! Now, I confidently affirm them, "Don't worry! Sooner or later, you will get your vouchers. Just be patient and proactive." ...and that is all you can really do. There are no rules to this. Some people get them in the first week they start working; for others, it can take over a year or more. I was blessed to get them within three months of when I began working as an extra. Even so, I didn't have the $2400 initiation fee money to join SAG, so I kept working non-union. After almost 7 months of working non-union, God provided the money for me, and I was able to join SAG. Everything changed.

When a person joins SAG, not only does the pay rate increase drastically, but the treatment one receives greatly improves as well. When I was working non-union, I remember times when the production crew and the SAG members would be eating fabulous, catered meals, while non-union extras were given paper bags with a cold sub and an apple in them LOL! Hey, it's better than nothing... at most jobs you usually have to buy your own food. Once a union member, the pay can easily be over three times the non-union pay, depending on overtime and additional bumps, and SAG members enjoy many other perks and are protected from potential abuse of power on set. SAG regulates the actors' working condition and environment; and if the rules are not adhered to, they will send reps to set to enforce them. SAG also can fine production companies for any violations; this makes the companies a lot more compliant. Honestly, I rarely have had any complaints as most of my experiences on set have been pleasant. Any disagreements I've witnessed have usually been settled in a mostly civilized manner. In addition, SAG offers its members benefits and pensions to work towards, as well as health insurance coverage for members who are qualified. I am thankful to be receiving good pay for doing brainless work, LOL, and I feel better about my income contributing toward something greater than just daily work. There are many other functions of SAG that I have yet to learn about, and many protections it offers members, especially working actors with speaking roles. For now, all I can say is that being in this union has made a world of difference to me in an unquestionably positive way.

At the beginning of this year, I joined AFTRA. I had resisted for a long time because it simply was not necessary. I had plenty of work on SAG shows. Then, when SAG would not easily settle on a new contract with the producers last year, the producers canceled many SAG shows, and a lot of new ones went AFTRA. Although AFTRA is getting better, it is a very disorganized union. Also, it has different terms for different shows, which I think defeats the purpose of a union. However, I believe there is wisdom in the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them!" and it definitely applied in this case. I want to really pursue an acting career, so it only made sense to increase my opportunity by being a member of both unions. And, it has certainly paid off for me. I joined AFTRA just before SAG work notably slowed down, and because of that, I have continued to work steadily while others' work supply has decreased. Many AFTRA shows have increased their base rates too, some being higher than SAG rates, which is wonderful since a big excuse for unwillingness of many not to work AFTRA was because of poor pay in comparison to SAG. AFTRA is still far behind SAG in the benefits and residuals it offers its members, but hopefully they will both eventually find a way to join forces and becomes one main actors union, which would be the most fair situation to all people whose business is that of acting.

Overall, I am glad and proud to be part of these unions. The dividing issues between the two have caused problems for actors, but without them, the majority of actors would be lost. There would be nothing to protect actors or defend their rights. Negotiating with producers for new contracts is almost always an uphill battle, and inevitably, contracts expire every three years. Thank God for unions that fight for their members' just causes. Thank God for SAG and AFTRA.... and here's to someday having just ONE actors union!!

Health, Technology, and Curling Irons :)

Well.. again I fell behind, though this time I didn't feel too bad about it, ha! I'm slacking! To catch up, this entry will be a recap of the last three days and will be long. I did find many things to be grateful for. On Wednesday night I did go to my apartment complex's hot tub as I said I would, and it was FABULOUS! It was chilly outside and extremely hot in the tub... Aaaaaaah. On Thursday, I worked on the show "Melrose Place," and thank God my friends who usually work that show were there too. They make it fun and crack me up the entire time! We worked until late; I didn't get home until 1:45 in the morning. On Friday, I worked on a show called "Sons of Tucson" standing in for a day player. It was so chill! The actress only had one line, so I basically did nothing and got paid! Plus, my car was used in the scene, so that was a bit extra. During my time on set, I caught up with a very sweet friend of mine, and I also saw another friend I hadn't run into in a while. It was a good thing to hear her news; she has booked three commercials in the recent months, two of which were national and for big names. I am so happy for her, and it also motivates me. After an intensely productive run, I have slowed down a lot lately and am gearing up to make this coming year an excellent one! That night, I also made some new friends, and a bunch of us went to Friday's afterwards for drinks. Saturday, I made myself sleep in until 11:30, and did a little cleaning upon awaking. I went for a 2.5 mile jog, and later surfed the internet browsing for some products . I discovered an amazing curling iron a friend had recommended to me earlier this week and ordered it for half the price on ebay ;) I also found a way of using the same curling technique with the curling irons I already have, and I am in love with how it works!! My hair is going to be curled all week! May sound silly, but I am super thankful for this discovery LOL! It's absolutely awesome and makes me feel so pretty!!!! Today, I woke up early for church. In the afternoon, I cooked a wickedly delish Mexican meal: chili flavored fried rice mixed with ground beef simmered in taco seasoning, topped with diced tomatoes and shredded cheese, and served with a side of baked refried beans smothered with melted cheese! I went on a 2.5 mile sprint not too long ago, and just now finished a lovely bowl of peach ice cream.

Previously, I had already decided what to write about on Thursday but never got around to it. The subject matter is this: I am grateful for TECHNOLOGY! I'm pretty glad to have been born in an era with so much commodities. Cell phones, digital cameras, washers & dryers, microwaves, computers, high speed internet, television, AC and heaters, in short... all sorts of electronics. These things we tend to take for granted and are accustomed to their availability, but how freakin' awesome is it to pick up your completely wire-free phone, touch the screen (don't even have to dial anymore), and instantly be talking with a loved one over 3,000 miles away! Or hmmmmm.. what does "blah" (insert whatever) mean?? Oh.. I think I'll google that!... and I don't have to wait to get to my portable laptop at home, which I can use in any room of the house with the swiftest of ease... I can just pick up my handy dandy smart phone wherever I currently am and VUALA!.. I got the answer to my question. And wait! How cool are digital cameras? You mean I can view a picture as soon as I take it and delete it if I don't like it for any reason? Then I can print only the ones I want? ...not to mention all the neat applications that have been developed to alter and share pics such as photoshop, myspace, and the ever addicting facebook!!! How spoiled are we?? I won't even try to divulge the capabilities of software like Protools and MIDI and other audio engineering tools; it's just ridiculous what can be done with music nowadays, the sky's the limit! Oh, and can I just praise the advent airplanes into the modern age?!! Now we can live anywhere in the world and within a day be on the other side of the planet! What a wonderful thing for those who have family in far off places, to have the comfort of knowing that, if need be, they can just jump on a plane and hurry to be at their family's side. What about this?.. Imagine trying to do household chores and cleaning back in the olden days, without the aid of vacuums, dish washing machines, washers and dryers, and irons! Uggh! That's inconceivable! Yet, we always find reasons to complain. I recently watched a video a friend posted on her facebook profile. It is a clip of Conan O'Brian interviewing a comedian by the name of Louis CK. The clip is called "everything's great and nobody's happy." While being very humorous, the comedian makes a valid point. People have become so impatient, myself included; if they can't get information on their mobile phones or computers in a matter of seconds, it is a tragedy! Wasn't it only a decade ago that it was a privilege to even have "dial up" internet access?! God forbid it take 10 seconds instead of 5 to view a website or open e-mail LOL! By the way, I'm so oblivious... I realized not too long ago that the term "snail-mail" means the regular postal service mail! And isn't it hilarious to call it that? A true indication of how technology has raised our expectations of how quickly tasks should be expedited. Anyways, the youtube clip is really good, watch it if you can; it's funny and relatable. To summarize, I am so blessed to enjoy the wonders of technology and science and engineering the way we know it today. In addition, even though almost everybody around us seems to have these things, there are still many people and places across the globe that have yet to experience playing with or even seeing these gadgets, and some never will. Even in this country, there a many individuals without cars, computers, or phones... and some of them are more concerned with getting shoes on their feet. Thank you God for all my blessings and my fun gadgets :*)!

Last, but greatest of all blessings stated here, I am thankful for my health and that of people I care for. In the last week, I've been hearing too many stories of terrible illnesses affecting people, the most horrible of the stories being a 5 year old child fighting a two and a half year battle with cancer. Apparently, Noah's family doesn't think he will make it to Christmas this year and have decided to celebrate it early for him, I believe next week. They are requesting for people (anyone) to send Christmas cards to him, and thousands already have. If you'd like to send a card, address it to:

Noah Biorkman

1141 Fountain View Circle

South Lyon, MI 48178.

But, most importantly, if you have the slightest moment, say a prayer for a miracle to change Noah's seeming fate... stranger things have happened, and God can do anything! Let's be thankful for a blessing as simple but essential as our health; and if you don't have that, keep believing that while there is life, there is hope.

Wireless Internet, YouTube, & HotTubs

Today, I was absolutely useless! LOL!! I woke up at 9am and watched youtube pretty much all day! Last night I discovered that a Mexican soap opera I watched back in 1994, is on youtube... all 43 one hour episodes!!! I'm hooked! I watched 11 episodes which took about 7 hours, since there are no commercials. Like a true coach potato, I ate breakfast and lunch in front of the "tube" - aka: my macbook. My laptop's convenient portability allowed me to watch while eating at the kitchen table, while vegetating in my pj's on my bed, and while later exercising in the living room. OK, so I guess I did one thing of value which was to work out. I strategically placed my computer on my little dinner tray table on the floor while I jogged in place, did squats and lunges, lifted weights, and did some push-ups. I reluctantly interrupted my soap marathon to do some grooming in preparation for work tomorrow and to write my daily blog. Right now, I'm watching the Lakers basketball game, and soon I'm going to sit down to eat dinner with the fam. After, I'm going to lounge in the hot tub with Krys for a while before showering and going to bed. I don't think I will have time to watch another episode of my favorite soap of all time tonight, but I can't wait to continue it!! Right now though, the hot tub is seriously a priority. I am looking forward to entering the scalding hot water and exiting with prune fingertips :) Today, I am thankful for my wireless internet connection and for youtube which together made watching my soap an easy, comfortable and wonderfully pleasant experience. LOL... I sound like an advertisement, but I am truly sincere. I am also thankful for the deliciously therapeutic hot tub that is patiently awaiting me. Sigh....

Ice Cream

Today, I didn't have work. I let myself sleep in as long as my body let me, and when I woke up, I exercised. Then I took a shower and left to run some errands. I replenished my stock of beauty and grooming supplies, and I sent some greeting cards out at the post office. When I returned home, I went with Krystle to the mall, and while she did research for her fashion school project, I shopped for shoes :) I was looking for a pair of silver flat sandals to match my light grey dress. I have a lot of heels, but not many flats. Plus, I want to show of my cute toenail color. I found a pair of shimmery metal silver sandals for just $14.99; and there was a buy 2 for $25 sale! So I purchased a pair of black low-wedged sandals as well. On our return home, we had dinner with the fam, and I did some miscellaneous activities here and there... Overall, it was a pretty uneventful day. Except for the fact that it is my wonderful sister's birthday today, there isn't much to note about this day other than it's easy-going and leisure passing. Tomorrow, again I didn't get work, and as I sit here discussing the subject of "Destiny" with my friend, I realize that I am not there yet. I'm on my way somehow, but not there. What would you call the way there?? ..."THE PATH"? ..."THE JOURNEY"? Whatever the case, that's where I am... just going. There you go! "GOING" ...that's what I'll call it.

Earlier this evening I was craving ice cream. I was disappointed in my search of Thrifty's pineapple coconut ice cream at Rite Aid which, by the way, is the MOST awesomely delicious flavor! Instead, I left with cookies n' cream and peach ice cream, which turned out to be satisfying enough for now. I guess then, today I am thankful for ice cream LOL! ...all of the flavors... If I didn't try different kinds, then I guess I wouldn't know what my favorite one is ;)

The Cycles of LIfe

It's a great early day from work! I barely could get myself out of bed this morning to be at work by 7am. When I got to ABC studios, I was informed that our small group would only be in one scene, and that would be it! "Yay!" We all exclaimed in almost unison. After we got in our appropriate wardrobe, we were walked over to the sound stage where the show was shooting. I had a lovely breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs, country potatoes, oatmeal with raisins, and two perfectly small pancakes with butter and syrup. A touch of yogurt with mixed berries completed my meal. We stayed in the set's fake courtyard, comfy in lounge chairs, waiting until we would be used in the scene. Drowsy from the benadryl I took this morning, I quickly knocked out upon my arm resting my head on the table. I slept for about an hour and a half, until the camera turn around demanded my presence. Today I was a nurse in the background of a doctor's office for the show "Brothers and Sisters." The scene took a lot longer to shoot than I expected, but we were still released by 11:45 in the AM. With the rest of the day to relax and do whatever, I drove myself over to Sally Beauty Supply to treat myself to a couple bottles of nail polish. As I write this, my toenails gleam of a bright, tangerine pinkish color :) The other color is a glittery purple I look forward to using at a later date.

(Interruption... phone rings...)

Wow.. On a entirely different note, I was literally just informed that my brother-in-law's mother just passed away. She was a lovely woman. She lived a long and fruitful life. With six children and well over 20 grandchildren and many great grandchildren, she left a beautiful legacy behind; and it will be passed on. The Stoltzfus family is a caring, generous and God-fearing family. They have been a true family to my sister Luli and are always there for her and for each other. I can only hope my in-laws are just half as great as they are. At 86 years of age, Katie had been struggling with illness for the last few years. She is now home and at peace with our Savior and Lord, Jesus. My heart reaches out to her family as they go through this difficult hour. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Not being so sure what to write about today, I can say right now that I am thankful to have known Katie, and I am thankful for every cycle of life. The great times when everything is running smoothly, the heartbreaks that teach lessons of humility and patience and endurance, the prospered phases, and the ones that stretch us uncomfortably until we learn to adjust ourselves in accordance. I am thankful to have life today, and I plan to live it fully and audaciously.

The cycles surround us. While some are laughing, others are crying; while new souls are being birthed, others are passing on. It makes me also question though, is what we so easily become distraught about really worth the wasted emotion?? While there is still life, there is always HOPE of a better future. When someone leaves this earth, especially a loved one, all we can do is mourn and grieve and remember them throughout our process of healing. So my proposition is this: Whatever circumstance you may be currently facing, face it with joy and confidence knowing that you still have endless possibilities while you are here and breathing. If you are going through a loss, only time can help mend your brokenness; but in the meantime, try desperately to live your life through your loved one's eyes. I'm sure they only want happiness for you, and sometimes happiness is just a decision away.